To Spank or Not To Spank

That is the question I am going to answer on NPR today (News and Notes at 1:40 pm Eastern time - if you care to listen)

I spank. Well, I used to. Boys too big now. They'd fall out laughing at me if I tried it now and as teenagers there are much more effective stuff than that. But anyway, I used to do it. Still believe in it. I know there are a lot of studies that say it makes the kids agressive and all of that. But have you read those studies? They do things like compare 2 groups of children: one group who never got spanked and another who got spaked 3-4 times a week. If you compare two extremes of anything of course you're going to come up with some outrageous results. They don't consider that if you have kids getting spanked almost daily that there something else going wrong at that house. The correlation isn't there because there are too many other variables.

I only spanked my oldest once in his whole life. (and truth be told he didn't deserve it, his uncharacteristic outright defiance and attitude was medically inspired as I later found - prednisone)

But the other one? The little guy a.k.a. Boomy, Mr. I wanna be hood, Sir "you saw me?"', "yep I got suspended again", "it was just a detention"? He got spanked more often. But here's the thing ,as bad as he was, I'd say he got no more than 2 -3 spankings in a bad year. Most years just one or none. Rare but meaningful. Capital offense kind of thing.

He and I were watching Oprah once. she had a guy on there saying spanking is child abuse and said it doesn't work. My little guy, then about 10 , looked at me (most certainly before he thought the comment or its consequences through - which is his habit - which is in turn whay he got spanked ) said "yeah, it does."
And that right there is why he got spnaked. He was not a long range thinker. If there were no immediate unpleasant consequences to behavior punishment didn't bother him. Time out or taking away things? Pleeeeeeeeease. No matter how often you explained to him why his brain didn't connect the dots.

I can't tell any other parent whether they should or should not spank. I don't know their temperment their children or their abilities. Sometimes its not a good idea. The probelm is most people spank out of anger and frustration and aren't thinking it through. Spanking is easy and it makes you feel better right away but that's not what its for.

It is an instructional tool to be used sparingly and with restraint. If you get spanked for every little infraction or whenever your parents are frustrated then it doesn't. Its random and toughens you up and makes you resentful and aggressive. But used sparingly and thoughtfully and well it , as my little guy reiterated last might when I asked him. "makes you not do it again.'

I am not advocating, I am just giving you my persepctive. These are my kids. I love them more than any researcher would. I also know them better. I want my full range of options in raising them. This is my husband and I's 2nd batch. First four boys grown. 7 grand kids. Good men. They spank too. Not a lot but . .
Again, my 10 cents worth.