We're still doing the book club thing. My tech guy is coming Tuesday to help me set it up. As soon as I know HOW to do what I want to do most effeciently(which is have a live or instant message chat) I'll tell you when I'm going to do it. (I'll try to pick a day and time that is convenient for people.)
So. . . if you want to go ahead and get My Mother's Rules go on amazon. They are only $3.00. Or you can got to a book store but they may have to order. Read it. Get your thoughts together (including criticism - I really want to know what you think) and we will go from there.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
And the Winner is . . . ME
What did I win, you might ask. Well, I'd tell you if I knew. Though I'm not sure exactly what I've won I know who gave me the award.
Apparently there is a committee of 13 year old boys somewhere that pass out parental titles. And the reason I know I've gotten one is because I always have a house full of them. Even when they are all supposed to be somewhere else, they end up here - in quantity - and I'm not at all sure why.
That's why I've decided that I have been awarded something. I'm not sure which one I've gotten but I do have some ideas:
1. The Mother Most Likely to Order Pizza
- You see I have this thing about feeding my kids at regular intervals. And I can't feed mine without feeding everybody in the house who is under 18. I have this innate communal mother gene. Anybody in the house under 18 is my child while they are here. - So whenever meal time arrives I am getting food elsewhere (it's one thing to give your own family food poisoning but it's just embarassing to take down the entire 8th grade) And you know how 13 year old boys like to eat. Little hoover vaccuums - these people - And I don't know about yours but mine don't have an ounce of body fat anywhere. (pisses me off).
2. Mother Who Got Suckered into Buying the Most Game Systems.
- I think that one speaks for itself. And by the way you would not believe the funk generated by a room full of 13 year old boys huddling aroung a video game for a couple of hours with the door closed. Sometimes I throw them out and make them play ball just to air out the room.
3. Mother Least Likely to Go Crazy When Something Gets Broken.
- My 13 year old is very social. He has whole packs of friends. Several of them are very physical. They have a run and shoot offense. Skate boards bicycles, foot balls. You name it. They fly around here like a swarm of bees. I don't object too much for a couple of reasons: A. I like that they don't just sit around and play video games. B. He is the last of six sons. Lots off stuff has gotten broken over the years. You either learn to go with the flow or lose your mind. I decided to go with the former.
4. The Mother Most Likely To Engage In an Adolescent Conversation Without Judgement
I talk to them like I was thirteen. If they were engaged in some low level nonsense I ask about it like I am interested. I laugh. I say things like "You didn't really say that did you? That's cold. I bet he never bothers you again."
My son won't tell me anything but if your are non judgmental with other people's kids they give up all kinds of information. Of course, if they are doing something really bad (a) they don't tell me and (b) I'd get all in it. But they tell me what they are thinking and the basics of what they are doing. That's good intelligence. The CIA would be proud.
- Anyway, it appears that I've gotten the award for something. And like I said, you don't get a statue for it, all you get is a house full of kids.
I have four here now eventhough the plan was as of 5:00 pm yeasterday was that my son was going to sleep over at someone else's house. Next thing you know its 7:30 pm and I am getting a call saying 'can you pick me up from the mall and yea can Chris come.' I say okay. When I get there I find my son, Chris and yet another kid I didn't know about. What am I gonna do leave that last kid there? So I brought them all home. By the time I woke up this morning my husband says another showed up after I went to bed.
But as my husband says: It's better to have them here where we can keep and eye on them -
Mess, funk and broken lamps notwithstanding.
Apparently there is a committee of 13 year old boys somewhere that pass out parental titles. And the reason I know I've gotten one is because I always have a house full of them. Even when they are all supposed to be somewhere else, they end up here - in quantity - and I'm not at all sure why.
That's why I've decided that I have been awarded something. I'm not sure which one I've gotten but I do have some ideas:
1. The Mother Most Likely to Order Pizza
- You see I have this thing about feeding my kids at regular intervals. And I can't feed mine without feeding everybody in the house who is under 18. I have this innate communal mother gene. Anybody in the house under 18 is my child while they are here. - So whenever meal time arrives I am getting food elsewhere (it's one thing to give your own family food poisoning but it's just embarassing to take down the entire 8th grade) And you know how 13 year old boys like to eat. Little hoover vaccuums - these people - And I don't know about yours but mine don't have an ounce of body fat anywhere. (pisses me off).
2. Mother Who Got Suckered into Buying the Most Game Systems.
- I think that one speaks for itself. And by the way you would not believe the funk generated by a room full of 13 year old boys huddling aroung a video game for a couple of hours with the door closed. Sometimes I throw them out and make them play ball just to air out the room.
3. Mother Least Likely to Go Crazy When Something Gets Broken.
- My 13 year old is very social. He has whole packs of friends. Several of them are very physical. They have a run and shoot offense. Skate boards bicycles, foot balls. You name it. They fly around here like a swarm of bees. I don't object too much for a couple of reasons: A. I like that they don't just sit around and play video games. B. He is the last of six sons. Lots off stuff has gotten broken over the years. You either learn to go with the flow or lose your mind. I decided to go with the former.
4. The Mother Most Likely To Engage In an Adolescent Conversation Without Judgement
I talk to them like I was thirteen. If they were engaged in some low level nonsense I ask about it like I am interested. I laugh. I say things like "You didn't really say that did you? That's cold. I bet he never bothers you again."
My son won't tell me anything but if your are non judgmental with other people's kids they give up all kinds of information. Of course, if they are doing something really bad (a) they don't tell me and (b) I'd get all in it. But they tell me what they are thinking and the basics of what they are doing. That's good intelligence. The CIA would be proud.
- Anyway, it appears that I've gotten the award for something. And like I said, you don't get a statue for it, all you get is a house full of kids.
I have four here now eventhough the plan was as of 5:00 pm yeasterday was that my son was going to sleep over at someone else's house. Next thing you know its 7:30 pm and I am getting a call saying 'can you pick me up from the mall and yea can Chris come.' I say okay. When I get there I find my son, Chris and yet another kid I didn't know about. What am I gonna do leave that last kid there? So I brought them all home. By the time I woke up this morning my husband says another showed up after I went to bed.
But as my husband says: It's better to have them here where we can keep and eye on them -
Mess, funk and broken lamps notwithstanding.
Friday, January 30, 2009
That Thang
Yesterday we had a real interesting couple on Divorce Court. The woman on the show actually left a guy who stopped being a drug dealer and became a motrgage broker.
Her reason: He lost his swagger.
I get the bad boy thing. I do. They have a certain full throttle, super-maleness about them. A certain THANG that even I enjoy when I am in the room with one. The thing is I never would want to have one. They aren't shy or ashamed about who they are and what they do. They tell you what they think about women and relationships. You can see the romantic damage they leave in their wake all around them. Why in the world would I want to stand in line to see a movie called "Let Me Stomp on Your Heart"
When I was younger (and better looking) these guys would come after me all ofthe time. And when I say come after that is exactly what I mean. They'd keep coming and coming and coming. They did not take no well. I had to stock pile a whole aresnal of insults for them. And still . . . But I never took romantic aggression for an incredible desire for ME. I knew it had nothing to do with me being wonderful and it had everything to do with them 'catching their prey.'
I believe that if a person shows you who he is you should believe him. So my questions are these:
Ladies if you run around with them why? Do you not see what they do? Or do you just don't care? Is that THANG so good it doesn't matter what sles they do to you while you're getting it.? Or do you think you are the one right woman out there that can change him?
And guys, if you are one, do you believe this is the way things should be? Do you ever wonder if you hurt the women you're with? Do you think monogamy is an unnatural state?
And for the guys who don't: Do you wish you were more like them? Does the women's behavior in this regard annoy you? Do godo guys really finish last?
I find this topic fascinating
Her reason: He lost his swagger.
I get the bad boy thing. I do. They have a certain full throttle, super-maleness about them. A certain THANG that even I enjoy when I am in the room with one. The thing is I never would want to have one. They aren't shy or ashamed about who they are and what they do. They tell you what they think about women and relationships. You can see the romantic damage they leave in their wake all around them. Why in the world would I want to stand in line to see a movie called "Let Me Stomp on Your Heart"
When I was younger (and better looking) these guys would come after me all ofthe time. And when I say come after that is exactly what I mean. They'd keep coming and coming and coming. They did not take no well. I had to stock pile a whole aresnal of insults for them. And still . . . But I never took romantic aggression for an incredible desire for ME. I knew it had nothing to do with me being wonderful and it had everything to do with them 'catching their prey.'
I believe that if a person shows you who he is you should believe him. So my questions are these:
Ladies if you run around with them why? Do you not see what they do? Or do you just don't care? Is that THANG so good it doesn't matter what sles they do to you while you're getting it.? Or do you think you are the one right woman out there that can change him?
And guys, if you are one, do you believe this is the way things should be? Do you ever wonder if you hurt the women you're with? Do you think monogamy is an unnatural state?
And for the guys who don't: Do you wish you were more like them? Does the women's behavior in this regard annoy you? Do godo guys really finish last?
I find this topic fascinating
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
To Spank or Not To Spank
That is the question I am going to answer on NPR today (News and Notes at 1:40 pm Eastern time - if you care to listen)
I spank. Well, I used to. Boys too big now. They'd fall out laughing at me if I tried it now and as teenagers there are much more effective stuff than that. But anyway, I used to do it. Still believe in it. I know there are a lot of studies that say it makes the kids agressive and all of that. But have you read those studies? They do things like compare 2 groups of children: one group who never got spanked and another who got spaked 3-4 times a week. If you compare two extremes of anything of course you're going to come up with some outrageous results. They don't consider that if you have kids getting spanked almost daily that there something else going wrong at that house. The correlation isn't there because there are too many other variables.
I only spanked my oldest once in his whole life. (and truth be told he didn't deserve it, his uncharacteristic outright defiance and attitude was medically inspired as I later found - prednisone)
But the other one? The little guy a.k.a. Boomy, Mr. I wanna be hood, Sir "you saw me?"', "yep I got suspended again", "it was just a detention"? He got spanked more often. But here's the thing ,as bad as he was, I'd say he got no more than 2 -3 spankings in a bad year. Most years just one or none. Rare but meaningful. Capital offense kind of thing.
He and I were watching Oprah once. she had a guy on there saying spanking is child abuse and said it doesn't work. My little guy, then about 10 , looked at me (most certainly before he thought the comment or its consequences through - which is his habit - which is in turn whay he got spanked ) said "yeah, it does."
And that right there is why he got spnaked. He was not a long range thinker. If there were no immediate unpleasant consequences to behavior punishment didn't bother him. Time out or taking away things? Pleeeeeeeeease. No matter how often you explained to him why his brain didn't connect the dots.
I can't tell any other parent whether they should or should not spank. I don't know their temperment their children or their abilities. Sometimes its not a good idea. The probelm is most people spank out of anger and frustration and aren't thinking it through. Spanking is easy and it makes you feel better right away but that's not what its for.
It is an instructional tool to be used sparingly and with restraint. If you get spanked for every little infraction or whenever your parents are frustrated then it doesn't. Its random and toughens you up and makes you resentful and aggressive. But used sparingly and thoughtfully and well it , as my little guy reiterated last might when I asked him. "makes you not do it again.'
I am not advocating, I am just giving you my persepctive. These are my kids. I love them more than any researcher would. I also know them better. I want my full range of options in raising them. This is my husband and I's 2nd batch. First four boys grown. 7 grand kids. Good men. They spank too. Not a lot but . .
Again, my 10 cents worth.
I spank. Well, I used to. Boys too big now. They'd fall out laughing at me if I tried it now and as teenagers there are much more effective stuff than that. But anyway, I used to do it. Still believe in it. I know there are a lot of studies that say it makes the kids agressive and all of that. But have you read those studies? They do things like compare 2 groups of children: one group who never got spanked and another who got spaked 3-4 times a week. If you compare two extremes of anything of course you're going to come up with some outrageous results. They don't consider that if you have kids getting spanked almost daily that there something else going wrong at that house. The correlation isn't there because there are too many other variables.
I only spanked my oldest once in his whole life. (and truth be told he didn't deserve it, his uncharacteristic outright defiance and attitude was medically inspired as I later found - prednisone)
But the other one? The little guy a.k.a. Boomy, Mr. I wanna be hood, Sir "you saw me?"', "yep I got suspended again", "it was just a detention"? He got spanked more often. But here's the thing ,as bad as he was, I'd say he got no more than 2 -3 spankings in a bad year. Most years just one or none. Rare but meaningful. Capital offense kind of thing.
He and I were watching Oprah once. she had a guy on there saying spanking is child abuse and said it doesn't work. My little guy, then about 10 , looked at me (most certainly before he thought the comment or its consequences through - which is his habit - which is in turn whay he got spanked ) said "yeah, it does."
And that right there is why he got spnaked. He was not a long range thinker. If there were no immediate unpleasant consequences to behavior punishment didn't bother him. Time out or taking away things? Pleeeeeeeeease. No matter how often you explained to him why his brain didn't connect the dots.
I can't tell any other parent whether they should or should not spank. I don't know their temperment their children or their abilities. Sometimes its not a good idea. The probelm is most people spank out of anger and frustration and aren't thinking it through. Spanking is easy and it makes you feel better right away but that's not what its for.
It is an instructional tool to be used sparingly and with restraint. If you get spanked for every little infraction or whenever your parents are frustrated then it doesn't. Its random and toughens you up and makes you resentful and aggressive. But used sparingly and thoughtfully and well it , as my little guy reiterated last might when I asked him. "makes you not do it again.'
I am not advocating, I am just giving you my persepctive. These are my kids. I love them more than any researcher would. I also know them better. I want my full range of options in raising them. This is my husband and I's 2nd batch. First four boys grown. 7 grand kids. Good men. They spank too. Not a lot but . .
Again, my 10 cents worth.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Know When to Holler for Help
I told this story about myself on an episode of Divorce Court. So if you watch (and if you don't why aren't you? - just kidding!!) you should recognize it. It is completely true.
I was flying a lot, as it appears will be the norm, and my ears were hurting. My doctor had just retired so I went to my husband's. She didn't know me. The docotor asked me "How are you doing?"
Five minutes later when I got through telling her how I was, she looked at me really funny and said:
"Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?"
Apparently, I was 'traveling'. I have this ''on" button that gets pushed on occasion and I can't turn it off. I am talkative and exhausting when I am 'traveling' I drop from one thought to another with lightening speed. It's interesting to see. And it is the precursor to some of my best creative moments. But if you don't know me it can be alarming.
I answered. "Sure. Do you think I need to see one now?"
"Yep. I have a psychiatrist friend I would like you to talk to."
I went. We talked. She decided that I was fine but that I am an intense, driven quizzical kind of person who can appear to the untrained eye to be a little off the beam. Which is not to say that I haven't been off the beam in the past because I have. It just so happens I wasn't off the beam that day.
The moral of this story: Never be afraid to check your program. There is nothing wrong with needing a little psychological help every once in a while. I took my doctors inquiry as an attempt to assist. I take visits to mental health professionals as information gathering opportunities.
Having said that I will say this, don't just swallow what they say whole sale. I know a couple of psychologists who are just unwound, undone and unreliable. Worse yet they don't know it and are handing out advice based on their own deficiencies. You can't just hand youself over to people.
Moreover, I do have this anti-syndrome bias. These days we appear to label all personality quirks as some kind of deviant mental state. we put an 'osis' or an 'aholic' on the end of every adjective that describes a pesonality and then say that's what we have as if it explains everything and absolves us from all responisbility to do better. That's just silly. People can have extreme personalities without needing to be medicated. (Which isn't to say that some of us don't need to be medicated. Ain't no shame in that. I've been there too.)
I know my opinion sounds contradictory but it truly isn't. I want everyone to take whatever is happening in their head, examine it and make sure you are living the best life you can. I advocate an acknowledgement of any weaknesses and a dedication to actively address them.
I work my emotions like a job. We all should. When things go wrong it usually has very little to do with what people do or do not know. It's usually how people feel that jacks up everything.
With much love. Judge Lynn
I was flying a lot, as it appears will be the norm, and my ears were hurting. My doctor had just retired so I went to my husband's. She didn't know me. The docotor asked me "How are you doing?"
Five minutes later when I got through telling her how I was, she looked at me really funny and said:
"Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?"
Apparently, I was 'traveling'. I have this ''on" button that gets pushed on occasion and I can't turn it off. I am talkative and exhausting when I am 'traveling' I drop from one thought to another with lightening speed. It's interesting to see. And it is the precursor to some of my best creative moments. But if you don't know me it can be alarming.
I answered. "Sure. Do you think I need to see one now?"
"Yep. I have a psychiatrist friend I would like you to talk to."
I went. We talked. She decided that I was fine but that I am an intense, driven quizzical kind of person who can appear to the untrained eye to be a little off the beam. Which is not to say that I haven't been off the beam in the past because I have. It just so happens I wasn't off the beam that day.
The moral of this story: Never be afraid to check your program. There is nothing wrong with needing a little psychological help every once in a while. I took my doctors inquiry as an attempt to assist. I take visits to mental health professionals as information gathering opportunities.
Having said that I will say this, don't just swallow what they say whole sale. I know a couple of psychologists who are just unwound, undone and unreliable. Worse yet they don't know it and are handing out advice based on their own deficiencies. You can't just hand youself over to people.
Moreover, I do have this anti-syndrome bias. These days we appear to label all personality quirks as some kind of deviant mental state. we put an 'osis' or an 'aholic' on the end of every adjective that describes a pesonality and then say that's what we have as if it explains everything and absolves us from all responisbility to do better. That's just silly. People can have extreme personalities without needing to be medicated. (Which isn't to say that some of us don't need to be medicated. Ain't no shame in that. I've been there too.)
I know my opinion sounds contradictory but it truly isn't. I want everyone to take whatever is happening in their head, examine it and make sure you are living the best life you can. I advocate an acknowledgement of any weaknesses and a dedication to actively address them.
I work my emotions like a job. We all should. When things go wrong it usually has very little to do with what people do or do not know. It's usually how people feel that jacks up everything.
With much love. Judge Lynn
Sunday, January 25, 2009
All the Things I Cannot Do
Anyone dealing with a domestic abuse situation (whether it be your own or someone else's) must seek help from a local organization designed to deal with that sort of thing. Your local municipal or county court can probably get you started. County organizations and private ones exist as well.. This can be a very difficult and often a dangerous situation. No words of wisdom will ever suffice.
PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS.
I like blogging because it gives me an opportunity to speak my mind and see what's on yours. Sometimes people raise issues I think are of general importance and I like to blog about them but I can't do that across the board.
I love giving a personal touch to my blog. I love reading about what's going on with you and blog about things I hear that might be of general interest. But remember I am a public figure and I am only one person. I get dozens of requests each month to go places, lend support to things, give money - you name it. Just can't.
Please enjoy this for what it is.
P.S. Some of the stuff you ask for you can get from www.divorcecourt.com. I don't book shows or stuff like that.
I wish all of you peace and the best of everything!
PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS.
I like blogging because it gives me an opportunity to speak my mind and see what's on yours. Sometimes people raise issues I think are of general importance and I like to blog about them but I can't do that across the board.
I love giving a personal touch to my blog. I love reading about what's going on with you and blog about things I hear that might be of general interest. But remember I am a public figure and I am only one person. I get dozens of requests each month to go places, lend support to things, give money - you name it. Just can't.
Please enjoy this for what it is.
P.S. Some of the stuff you ask for you can get from www.divorcecourt.com. I don't book shows or stuff like that.
I wish all of you peace and the best of everything!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
A Thoughtful Response
This is a response to a young lady who took issue with my blog in which I said I felt our system of justice, though flawed, is a good one.
First, never worry about about having a difference of opinion with me. I love honest debate.
Second, I appreciate the fact that someone as young as 17 is so aware of what's going on.
Third, I agree with you that the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity inordinately effects blacks and that the juvenile system can use and overhaul.. It once worked. But society has changed and the system has yet to catch up.
That being said I stand by my position that out system is good. It is good because all of those things can (and I believe will) change exactly because the system allows for that.
Niether judges not the judicial system writes the laws they are sworn to follow. The crack thing happened the way it did because of an emotional LEGISLATIVE response to the inordinate violence associated with the first wave of the crack epidemic. Legistaltures pass laws. All the judiciary can do is to apply them as fairly as it can. But when legislators put mandatory minimums on stuff (In part to silence vocal fear demanding that 'something be done") There is nothing a judge can do but follow the law.
Same thing with the juvenille system. When there is a public hue and cry for harsher sentencing because of the level of a new wave of violence and extreme behavior of young people the legislature respondes quickly to to the easiest thing to assure the public that they are doing their best to keep them safe: The easiest option? Change the laws that allow younger and younger chidlren to be tried as an adult.
I don't think there should be an either/or with the juevnille system. I think juvenile court shoudl be changed to allow it to hold loger and do more things so that there would not be a rush toward sending them to adult facilities.
The thing is you have to understand that the system responds to a vocal and knowledgable public. The crack/cocaine disparity is being dealt with as a result of such public outcry. Voices are beginning to coalese with respect to the juvenile issue. No system willl ever be perfect but how wonderful is it that the opinion of society can move legislators (Who must answer to us at the polls) to change the laws we find repugnant?
The problem has been in the past that those most effected by imbalanced and improper laws are the least likely to vote. I think the excitment over Obama has changed much of that and I hope the Obama effect continues. But it willl not if we are not educated as to the sourse of our problems and diligent about our efforts to repond to them.
I did a piece on NPR re: the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity. Go on my site www.judgelynn.conm and click on NPR to find it.
Know what's going on. Understanding the unique and real opportunity we as people have to direct this country including the laws the judiciary must follow will reveal the beauty of the system (flawed though it may be as it is the creation of man - and we are flawed)
Having said that I think it is even more clear that my advice holds true:
Stake out your corner!!!!!
First, never worry about about having a difference of opinion with me. I love honest debate.
Second, I appreciate the fact that someone as young as 17 is so aware of what's going on.
Third, I agree with you that the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity inordinately effects blacks and that the juvenile system can use and overhaul.. It once worked. But society has changed and the system has yet to catch up.
That being said I stand by my position that out system is good. It is good because all of those things can (and I believe will) change exactly because the system allows for that.
Niether judges not the judicial system writes the laws they are sworn to follow. The crack thing happened the way it did because of an emotional LEGISLATIVE response to the inordinate violence associated with the first wave of the crack epidemic. Legistaltures pass laws. All the judiciary can do is to apply them as fairly as it can. But when legislators put mandatory minimums on stuff (In part to silence vocal fear demanding that 'something be done") There is nothing a judge can do but follow the law.
Same thing with the juvenille system. When there is a public hue and cry for harsher sentencing because of the level of a new wave of violence and extreme behavior of young people the legislature respondes quickly to to the easiest thing to assure the public that they are doing their best to keep them safe: The easiest option? Change the laws that allow younger and younger chidlren to be tried as an adult.
I don't think there should be an either/or with the juevnille system. I think juvenile court shoudl be changed to allow it to hold loger and do more things so that there would not be a rush toward sending them to adult facilities.
The thing is you have to understand that the system responds to a vocal and knowledgable public. The crack/cocaine disparity is being dealt with as a result of such public outcry. Voices are beginning to coalese with respect to the juvenile issue. No system willl ever be perfect but how wonderful is it that the opinion of society can move legislators (Who must answer to us at the polls) to change the laws we find repugnant?
The problem has been in the past that those most effected by imbalanced and improper laws are the least likely to vote. I think the excitment over Obama has changed much of that and I hope the Obama effect continues. But it willl not if we are not educated as to the sourse of our problems and diligent about our efforts to repond to them.
I did a piece on NPR re: the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity. Go on my site www.judgelynn.conm and click on NPR to find it.
Know what's going on. Understanding the unique and real opportunity we as people have to direct this country including the laws the judiciary must follow will reveal the beauty of the system (flawed though it may be as it is the creation of man - and we are flawed)
Having said that I think it is even more clear that my advice holds true:
Stake out your corner!!!!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Stake Out Your Corner
Hi Everyone,
I have gotten a couple of requests lately where people are telling me their professional plans or making a decision to alter course in some manner. They want my opinion on what to do.
Like I always say I can't give any individual advice on what to do. But what I can do is share with you the considerations I use when making a decision like that:
1. I remind myself that change (in and of itself ) is a scary thing and I try to keep the "Change fear" separate from the the real concerns that must be taken into consideration when embarking on a new course of action.
2. I ask people who know me - my personality and emotions - about how they think I will like the thing I am about to do; how I will tolerate the risks inherent in it and whether or not they think I will get bored because those are MY big issues. You have to figure out yours. NOTE HOWEVER: I am very careful who I ask. People often give advice based on their own needs, perspectives and jealousies. I keep that in my while digesting their advice.
That, by the way, is why I can't give anyone career or path altering advice here. I don't know who you are, what you need, your capabilites and quirks.
3. This one I have only learned to deal with well recently. mom had been telling me about it for years but I am just now able to implement the mindset: Rarely in life are things black and white. Some are: Should I start smoking crack or no. There is nothing to consider there. But whether I should be a lawyer or a teacher, doctor or a businessman, a desk clerk or a construction worker. Those are gray. This is mom's take on that kind of thing. "most of the time there is not RIGHT CHOICE. What you are in fact doing is picking a. the satisfactions you want to have and b. the set of problems you want to solve. You can work just about anything.
4. Of course doing the former requires you to have all of the information about what you are trying to do. Don't just ask people who think they know. Ask people in it. Read. Read. Then read some more. You wouldn't believe what they put in books!!
5. Last but by no means least Stake Out Your Corner. Once ou make your move don't pussy foot around. If you are going to roll. . . roll. (woulda shoulda coulda is a waste of emotional capital)
6. Don't get metaphysical in an attempt to ease your own conciense and not try hard (I know I spelled that wrong-too lazy to get the dictionary and I embrace my inability to spell). One guy asked me once, that considering how corrupt the system is, should he go into the law and become part of a corrupt system.
My answer; "Shall we all take a vacation. Sit back and watch the world go to hell in a hand bascket? Or should good people get in the fight and try to improve things?" In other words are you going to sit around sounding superior and be lazy or are you going to be a man? (I didn't say this last part because there is no need to insult people but that was exactly what I was thinking.)
-Having said that I would like to say this, I disagree with his assessment of the nature our legal system - it is flawed , no doubt, but it has, within it, the capacity to improve because of the checks and balances built into it as well as it's public nature. Injustice thrives in the dark but struggles to grow in the light of day. And it's not so much the system that is wrong but the people who do wrong things in it - I know its not perfect - nothing created by man is but you should see what goes on in pother countries - "so here's the thing," I told that young man, "you can be part of the improvement process or you can sit back and do nothing."
I couldn't change the sytem while I was in it but I staked out my corner. I did the best I could by everybody I saw. I created programs to adress the underlying problems I saw that kept people coming back. My successes were few, but I had SOME. The whole point is that no matter what you choose to do you should leave it better than you found it.
And there you have. Usually I only share a 10 cent opinion. This one, however, I think is worth a buck twenty-five.
Peace
I have gotten a couple of requests lately where people are telling me their professional plans or making a decision to alter course in some manner. They want my opinion on what to do.
Like I always say I can't give any individual advice on what to do. But what I can do is share with you the considerations I use when making a decision like that:
1. I remind myself that change (in and of itself ) is a scary thing and I try to keep the "Change fear" separate from the the real concerns that must be taken into consideration when embarking on a new course of action.
2. I ask people who know me - my personality and emotions - about how they think I will like the thing I am about to do; how I will tolerate the risks inherent in it and whether or not they think I will get bored because those are MY big issues. You have to figure out yours. NOTE HOWEVER: I am very careful who I ask. People often give advice based on their own needs, perspectives and jealousies. I keep that in my while digesting their advice.
That, by the way, is why I can't give anyone career or path altering advice here. I don't know who you are, what you need, your capabilites and quirks.
3. This one I have only learned to deal with well recently. mom had been telling me about it for years but I am just now able to implement the mindset: Rarely in life are things black and white. Some are: Should I start smoking crack or no. There is nothing to consider there. But whether I should be a lawyer or a teacher, doctor or a businessman, a desk clerk or a construction worker. Those are gray. This is mom's take on that kind of thing. "most of the time there is not RIGHT CHOICE. What you are in fact doing is picking a. the satisfactions you want to have and b. the set of problems you want to solve. You can work just about anything.
4. Of course doing the former requires you to have all of the information about what you are trying to do. Don't just ask people who think they know. Ask people in it. Read. Read. Then read some more. You wouldn't believe what they put in books!!
5. Last but by no means least Stake Out Your Corner. Once ou make your move don't pussy foot around. If you are going to roll. . . roll. (woulda shoulda coulda is a waste of emotional capital)
6. Don't get metaphysical in an attempt to ease your own conciense and not try hard (I know I spelled that wrong-too lazy to get the dictionary and I embrace my inability to spell). One guy asked me once, that considering how corrupt the system is, should he go into the law and become part of a corrupt system.
My answer; "Shall we all take a vacation. Sit back and watch the world go to hell in a hand bascket? Or should good people get in the fight and try to improve things?" In other words are you going to sit around sounding superior and be lazy or are you going to be a man? (I didn't say this last part because there is no need to insult people but that was exactly what I was thinking.)
-Having said that I would like to say this, I disagree with his assessment of the nature our legal system - it is flawed , no doubt, but it has, within it, the capacity to improve because of the checks and balances built into it as well as it's public nature. Injustice thrives in the dark but struggles to grow in the light of day. And it's not so much the system that is wrong but the people who do wrong things in it - I know its not perfect - nothing created by man is but you should see what goes on in pother countries - "so here's the thing," I told that young man, "you can be part of the improvement process or you can sit back and do nothing."
I couldn't change the sytem while I was in it but I staked out my corner. I did the best I could by everybody I saw. I created programs to adress the underlying problems I saw that kept people coming back. My successes were few, but I had SOME. The whole point is that no matter what you choose to do you should leave it better than you found it.
And there you have. Usually I only share a 10 cent opinion. This one, however, I think is worth a buck twenty-five.
Peace
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Somebody Help Me Out
This week four different people told me they saw my show 6 times in a row in a mini-marathon type of deal. What station was this on? I feel silly. I know nothing about it. Someone also said they saw me on a Sunday. What's up with that?
Nothing Like Motherhood
There is nothing like motherhood to keep you grounded. There I was standing next to two US Senators to give a small statement. Next I am off to a luncheon to receive an award previously given to the likes of Colin Powell, Ruby Dee and Vice President Al Gore. Then right in the middle of the luncheon I get a text from my son saying 'I got pink eye'.
Now, pops is home with him. Took him to the doctor and everything. But he needed me to know. I sent him as as much love as I could from 2,000 miles a way. Electronic communication lacks warms though. I felt bad.
I AM comfort to him. I AM in charge of healthcare. I AM the woman who deals with all of the gross stuff. I AM a mother. I AM never off duty.
There was no milk in the house when I got home. I could see 'please make me a meal' in the sad puppy eyes of my youngest son. But my plane was late and it was 11:00 at night and I had just spent all my energy doing my job.
Next morning though I got up and went shopping. I put on my doctors's hat and soothed the older one. Hubby must have felt a little bad though, because for the first time n 20 years, he made dinner while I was here and available. (Or maybe it was because I made an uncharacteristic comment when he asked me how I was feeling - I believe it was something to the effect of "I'm really in an 'I don't give a s***' kind of mood") My husband is all man but he's no fool.
Part of this is my fault though. I keep handling all the home stuff without letting him 'take over'. First, because I knew what I was doing and had been doing it for years and wanted to make sure it was done 'right' - which usually means my way. But also because I always felt that he felt the home front stuff was demeaning. I think he's getting past that now. I think he sees how important and difficult being in charge of home is.
Or maybe I've just gotten a little bitchy. Not necessarily a place one wants to go but if used sparingly and distributed appropriately ....
Now, pops is home with him. Took him to the doctor and everything. But he needed me to know. I sent him as as much love as I could from 2,000 miles a way. Electronic communication lacks warms though. I felt bad.
I AM comfort to him. I AM in charge of healthcare. I AM the woman who deals with all of the gross stuff. I AM a mother. I AM never off duty.
There was no milk in the house when I got home. I could see 'please make me a meal' in the sad puppy eyes of my youngest son. But my plane was late and it was 11:00 at night and I had just spent all my energy doing my job.
Next morning though I got up and went shopping. I put on my doctors's hat and soothed the older one. Hubby must have felt a little bad though, because for the first time n 20 years, he made dinner while I was here and available. (Or maybe it was because I made an uncharacteristic comment when he asked me how I was feeling - I believe it was something to the effect of "I'm really in an 'I don't give a s***' kind of mood") My husband is all man but he's no fool.
Part of this is my fault though. I keep handling all the home stuff without letting him 'take over'. First, because I knew what I was doing and had been doing it for years and wanted to make sure it was done 'right' - which usually means my way. But also because I always felt that he felt the home front stuff was demeaning. I think he's getting past that now. I think he sees how important and difficult being in charge of home is.
Or maybe I've just gotten a little bitchy. Not necessarily a place one wants to go but if used sparingly and distributed appropriately ....
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Back fro Philly
Hi Everybody,
My experience in Philly was beyond phenominal. I did the symbolic ringing of the Liberty Bell. I spoke both there (along with 2 US Senators which i don't care what anyone says is intimidating) And I gave a speech at a luncheon. Everyone laughed and cried. And that 's what I always want to do: take the audience on the full ride.
By the way, Not that Barak Obama needs my help, but can I say this? People were talking about him with great love affection and excitement. And I think they were as thrilled about the nature of the man himself as they were about the historical nature of the event. I am fully on board for that!
But I have got to say some of the people I talked to spoke as if come tommorrow all will be right with the world. I had several conversations with people who expected everything to be better on the 21st: from economic woes, war, poverty, health care and visions of sudden and complete societal equality for all. It was a little scary to see such fairy tale expectations.
Give the man a chance. Our problems are many and complex. He will make mistakes and bad calls. He will not fix everything right away. He is a very intelligent man, an astute politician and all signs point to him being a moral man (I never make that call unless I know people personally or they have had time to let the shine wear of and we see them at their worst) But so far he's looking good.
I think he is the right guy at the right time. But don't expect perfection. And remember he can't do it alone. A great president (which I truly hope he turns out to be) can't make a great America. We all have to do our part. A great way to start is to read up on your local politicians and issues. Be educated about what's going on in your own city. When you go to the polls to elect your mayor, judges (if they are not appointed in your state) counselmen or whatever make sure you know who these people are. And don't just go to the polls because you are excited about something historic. Go to the polls EVERYTIME they're open to you. Read about the issues. Support local people and issues you think are about something. It's no time to stop now. We are not at the finish line. The race has just begun.
So like I said PLEASE give the man a chance. Do your part. And if the pressure of the worlds trouble become to much for you to bear watch Divorce Court . We'll laugh together!!!!!
My experience in Philly was beyond phenominal. I did the symbolic ringing of the Liberty Bell. I spoke both there (along with 2 US Senators which i don't care what anyone says is intimidating) And I gave a speech at a luncheon. Everyone laughed and cried. And that 's what I always want to do: take the audience on the full ride.
By the way, Not that Barak Obama needs my help, but can I say this? People were talking about him with great love affection and excitement. And I think they were as thrilled about the nature of the man himself as they were about the historical nature of the event. I am fully on board for that!
But I have got to say some of the people I talked to spoke as if come tommorrow all will be right with the world. I had several conversations with people who expected everything to be better on the 21st: from economic woes, war, poverty, health care and visions of sudden and complete societal equality for all. It was a little scary to see such fairy tale expectations.
Give the man a chance. Our problems are many and complex. He will make mistakes and bad calls. He will not fix everything right away. He is a very intelligent man, an astute politician and all signs point to him being a moral man (I never make that call unless I know people personally or they have had time to let the shine wear of and we see them at their worst) But so far he's looking good.
I think he is the right guy at the right time. But don't expect perfection. And remember he can't do it alone. A great president (which I truly hope he turns out to be) can't make a great America. We all have to do our part. A great way to start is to read up on your local politicians and issues. Be educated about what's going on in your own city. When you go to the polls to elect your mayor, judges (if they are not appointed in your state) counselmen or whatever make sure you know who these people are. And don't just go to the polls because you are excited about something historic. Go to the polls EVERYTIME they're open to you. Read about the issues. Support local people and issues you think are about something. It's no time to stop now. We are not at the finish line. The race has just begun.
So like I said PLEASE give the man a chance. Do your part. And if the pressure of the worlds trouble become to much for you to bear watch Divorce Court . We'll laugh together!!!!!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
By the Way
Just so you know I am not going to become a One Note Sister with this book thing. It may not be your cup of tea and I'm am not going to turn my blog into a library.
Once we get started we'll roll with it but I still intend to write about how I feel and what's going on and talk about what's on you guy's minds.
I have always wanted to write a journal. I have a terrible memory. My whole life is one big haze to me. I remember the highlights but I have never been really fully present until lately. My mind is always runnin' and gunnin'. Looking for the next problem. Worrying about what I should do or have already done. I have yet to smell a rose. (well maybe a few lately - I'm working on it.)
But anyway, this blog thing helps me. It's easy and it makes me stop and think and BE RIGHT HERE instead of worrying about the vast ifs what's and maybes that tend to dominate my life.
Thanks for being my audience for that. The doing (writing this and keeping track) seems to have purpose now and the feedback has value.
I promise to smell a rose today if you will.
Once we get started we'll roll with it but I still intend to write about how I feel and what's going on and talk about what's on you guy's minds.
I have always wanted to write a journal. I have a terrible memory. My whole life is one big haze to me. I remember the highlights but I have never been really fully present until lately. My mind is always runnin' and gunnin'. Looking for the next problem. Worrying about what I should do or have already done. I have yet to smell a rose. (well maybe a few lately - I'm working on it.)
But anyway, this blog thing helps me. It's easy and it makes me stop and think and BE RIGHT HERE instead of worrying about the vast ifs what's and maybes that tend to dominate my life.
Thanks for being my audience for that. The doing (writing this and keeping track) seems to have purpose now and the feedback has value.
I promise to smell a rose today if you will.
Off to Philly
Hello Everyone,
I am going to Philly this week for a MLK event. I am very excited to go for several reasons:
1. it is an incredible honor. Check this out, I have been asked to speak at an event whose former speakers include Colin Powell , Ossie Davis and Al Gore. Talk about pressure. But I'm excited.
2.My husband and I have been together in this house for months. I'm on hiatus and he's working from home. Togetherness is one thing --but Good Grief. A little absence on occasion is a good thing. We love each other but enough is enough. . . .
3. My 13 year old is still 13. Need I say more? If I don't get out of this house now I might hurt him.
That having been said a couple more points:
I am still getting "Is this really you" or "Do I have a staff member writing for me" messages. It's me - It's me, and then again, It's me. I don't know what others do but this is what I do. There may come a day when I have to turn it over because I am too busy but more likely than not it will still be me but not as often.
And YES we are going to do my book, My Mother's Rules, first (we don't want Ruthie to have a stroke) But I am currently reading a new book for a new recommendation. I'd like to keep this going. Still haven't figured out the logistics but Chuck will rescue me. I am looking to do it the week of January 25th.
Enjoy. Wish me luck in Philly.
I am going to Philly this week for a MLK event. I am very excited to go for several reasons:
1. it is an incredible honor. Check this out, I have been asked to speak at an event whose former speakers include Colin Powell , Ossie Davis and Al Gore. Talk about pressure. But I'm excited.
2.My husband and I have been together in this house for months. I'm on hiatus and he's working from home. Togetherness is one thing --but Good Grief. A little absence on occasion is a good thing. We love each other but enough is enough. . . .
3. My 13 year old is still 13. Need I say more? If I don't get out of this house now I might hurt him.
That having been said a couple more points:
I am still getting "Is this really you" or "Do I have a staff member writing for me" messages. It's me - It's me, and then again, It's me. I don't know what others do but this is what I do. There may come a day when I have to turn it over because I am too busy but more likely than not it will still be me but not as often.
And YES we are going to do my book, My Mother's Rules, first (we don't want Ruthie to have a stroke) But I am currently reading a new book for a new recommendation. I'd like to keep this going. Still haven't figured out the logistics but Chuck will rescue me. I am looking to do it the week of January 25th.
Enjoy. Wish me luck in Philly.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Can't out law In-Laws Part II
You know, I am a true believe in looking at things from multiple perspectives and I realized that I only gave one on my in-law blog. I've never been a mother in law so I'm not speaking from the depth of experience that I usually do so keep that in mind.
But here's a view from that stand point, a perspective I gained from the way my mother handled my marriage.
My parents did not want me to marry my husband for a number of valid reasons: namely he had four teenaged children, an ex-wife and all the anger money etc. problems that causes.
They tried hard to change my mind but could not. The day after I got married they stopped dogging him and got on board. You see the one thing they wanted more than anything else was for me to be happy. I decided to give it a try with him so they helped us. My mom even told him "I know you know we didn't want Lynn to marry you but it wasn't about you. We know if she loves you you have got to be a good guy. We were worried about your circumstances. We wanted things to be easier for her. We just want her to be happy" Then they let it go. They helped when we needed it and never said I told you so.
What I learned from that is if you are a mother/father in-law and the married kids problems are small don't dip in. You lived your life let them live theirs. Tell them what you know and how you think they should proceed but don't pick at people. That makes them resistent to everything you say.
Of course, if your child has married someone is beating them up then that's not the way to go. But even in that circumstance hooping and hollering usually does not help. It makes the daughter defensive. Guide. . . suggest. . . help . . put them in contact with others who they would believe. Get in touch with an abuse agency and ask them how to best assist her. Try to get them out but remember yelling at either party more often than not pushes them together.
If your kid marries someone you simply don't like but nothing dangerous is going on state your case calmly. Make small suggestions in an effort to assist. Don't dog the guy or gal they married out. Help him/her deal with problems they are having. Make sure they know they can always come home and you won't say I told you so.
It's hard to watch your kid struggle especially when you can see the trouble coming. But once they are married make sure you are helping your kid and not simply unloading your anger.
The problem here - as with just about anything else - is unleashed anger and unbridled emotion. Think. Be practical and tactical. Choose your battles. And when it doubt - stay out. If you are commenting on every little purchase, meal and money issue they will never listen to you. But if you speak up only occasionally and do so rationally they will be more likely to see you as assisting and not just bitching.
Now, as I said, I am not as sure about this advice as I am the other. Never been a mother in law but I watched my parents and I think they did ot well.
For what it's worth.
But here's a view from that stand point, a perspective I gained from the way my mother handled my marriage.
My parents did not want me to marry my husband for a number of valid reasons: namely he had four teenaged children, an ex-wife and all the anger money etc. problems that causes.
They tried hard to change my mind but could not. The day after I got married they stopped dogging him and got on board. You see the one thing they wanted more than anything else was for me to be happy. I decided to give it a try with him so they helped us. My mom even told him "I know you know we didn't want Lynn to marry you but it wasn't about you. We know if she loves you you have got to be a good guy. We were worried about your circumstances. We wanted things to be easier for her. We just want her to be happy" Then they let it go. They helped when we needed it and never said I told you so.
What I learned from that is if you are a mother/father in-law and the married kids problems are small don't dip in. You lived your life let them live theirs. Tell them what you know and how you think they should proceed but don't pick at people. That makes them resistent to everything you say.
Of course, if your child has married someone is beating them up then that's not the way to go. But even in that circumstance hooping and hollering usually does not help. It makes the daughter defensive. Guide. . . suggest. . . help . . put them in contact with others who they would believe. Get in touch with an abuse agency and ask them how to best assist her. Try to get them out but remember yelling at either party more often than not pushes them together.
If your kid marries someone you simply don't like but nothing dangerous is going on state your case calmly. Make small suggestions in an effort to assist. Don't dog the guy or gal they married out. Help him/her deal with problems they are having. Make sure they know they can always come home and you won't say I told you so.
It's hard to watch your kid struggle especially when you can see the trouble coming. But once they are married make sure you are helping your kid and not simply unloading your anger.
The problem here - as with just about anything else - is unleashed anger and unbridled emotion. Think. Be practical and tactical. Choose your battles. And when it doubt - stay out. If you are commenting on every little purchase, meal and money issue they will never listen to you. But if you speak up only occasionally and do so rationally they will be more likely to see you as assisting and not just bitching.
Now, as I said, I am not as sure about this advice as I am the other. Never been a mother in law but I watched my parents and I think they did ot well.
For what it's worth.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A Few Points
Okay here are my thoughts on a couple of subject areas people have brought up. First, as promised here's my ten cents worth on in law trouble:
1. Remember you can't change other people so all you can do is change how you respond. No matter how loudly or often you say something that typically is not an effective way to change some one's mind. I think the party whose parent is being difficult should deal with the situation. If your mother-in-law is giving you grief your spouse should hanlde the problem. You need to talk to him or her. Not when you're angry but at a time when things are good. Something like "I really get hurt by the things your mother says. I need you to talk to her when I'm not around. . . .Don't expect miracles just ask for a little relief. Tell them that so they think it is something that they can accomplish.
2.Learn the art of not arguing. Meet insult with a smile and a redirect. Example: "Mother-in-law: "You can't cook" You: "Ain't it a shame" followed by laughter. It's no fun insulting someone who doesn't get hurt by it.
3. Globalize Your Pain Quotient: You are not starving in the drought ravaged Sudan nor has your whole town been overrun by an enemy army . It's just some woman making nasty comments about you again. This too shall pass.
Next topic:
Someone asked me if I believed in love at first sight. I think I have answered this one before but it bears repeating NO NO and then again NO. I don't believe in it! I believe in lust at first sight. I believe in wishful thinking; I want the faily tale confusion at first sight but not love. Of course, everytime I say this someone tells me how they fell in love with their spouse at first sight and have been married 50 years. First of all good for you!!! I love happy endings. But I believe that is an exception. It just turned out that your great intial attraction involved two people who were right for each other. It happens but it's rare and the problem is people in the thows of the initial hormonal rush don't know the difference. If it's the real thing time will tell. Relationships are a job.
3. Ya'll leave Chuck (my tech guy) alone! He made a custom page for me that matched my website. I was the one fooling around and changed it to something standard. I just wanted to see what would happen.!
Have a great day,
Judge Lynn
1. Remember you can't change other people so all you can do is change how you respond. No matter how loudly or often you say something that typically is not an effective way to change some one's mind. I think the party whose parent is being difficult should deal with the situation. If your mother-in-law is giving you grief your spouse should hanlde the problem. You need to talk to him or her. Not when you're angry but at a time when things are good. Something like "I really get hurt by the things your mother says. I need you to talk to her when I'm not around. . . .Don't expect miracles just ask for a little relief. Tell them that so they think it is something that they can accomplish.
2.Learn the art of not arguing. Meet insult with a smile and a redirect. Example: "Mother-in-law: "You can't cook" You: "Ain't it a shame" followed by laughter. It's no fun insulting someone who doesn't get hurt by it.
3. Globalize Your Pain Quotient: You are not starving in the drought ravaged Sudan nor has your whole town been overrun by an enemy army . It's just some woman making nasty comments about you again. This too shall pass.
Next topic:
Someone asked me if I believed in love at first sight. I think I have answered this one before but it bears repeating NO NO and then again NO. I don't believe in it! I believe in lust at first sight. I believe in wishful thinking; I want the faily tale confusion at first sight but not love. Of course, everytime I say this someone tells me how they fell in love with their spouse at first sight and have been married 50 years. First of all good for you!!! I love happy endings. But I believe that is an exception. It just turned out that your great intial attraction involved two people who were right for each other. It happens but it's rare and the problem is people in the thows of the initial hormonal rush don't know the difference. If it's the real thing time will tell. Relationships are a job.
3. Ya'll leave Chuck (my tech guy) alone! He made a custom page for me that matched my website. I was the one fooling around and changed it to something standard. I just wanted to see what would happen.!
Have a great day,
Judge Lynn
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
So Here's the Deal
Okay, this is what I want to do. I have been holding off on picking a book because I ordered one that I think might be a great read but I haven't had an opportunity to read it yet (and I don't want to recommend a book I don't think everyone will enjoy).
I will be busy this week. Got promo to do so we'll start with my book, (I still think its $3 on amazon - not sure though they change the price all of the time. ) Once I get and finish this next book which is I think God Gave Me Some Bad Advice ,which I understand is a humourous memoir as well, I'll get back to you on that. Also I have to get to my tech guy Chuck to find out how we can have a forum aboout it. I gave up on iRead.
We might want to talk about both books or just one but let's start with mine and move on from there. Will have to get back to you on details.
By the way to people who have asked me why they got freind request from me: that's Chuck's doing as well. he sends out requests to people he thinks would enjoy this site, my blog or Divorce Court fans.
Still working on the in law thing.
I will be busy this week. Got promo to do so we'll start with my book, (I still think its $3 on amazon - not sure though they change the price all of the time. ) Once I get and finish this next book which is I think God Gave Me Some Bad Advice ,which I understand is a humourous memoir as well, I'll get back to you on that. Also I have to get to my tech guy Chuck to find out how we can have a forum aboout it. I gave up on iRead.
We might want to talk about both books or just one but let's start with mine and move on from there. Will have to get back to you on details.
By the way to people who have asked me why they got freind request from me: that's Chuck's doing as well. he sends out requests to people he thinks would enjoy this site, my blog or Divorce Court fans.
Still working on the in law thing.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Laugh without guilt
It's supposed to be funny!
You can't change what happened to you. But you can decide how you're going to look at it.
You can't change what happened to you. But you can decide how you're going to look at it.
Quick answer
I have gotten a couple of questions about where to get my book. On line you can go to Powell's books or amazon. Barnes and Nobles carries it as does Borders but they are not always in stock. You might have to call and ask and if not they'll order it.
Lynn
Lynn
Hello
Hi everybody,
Thanks for all of you who gave me book suggestions. I'm still thinking about what I should do.I have no idea how to answer the iRead question. I don't even think I'm going to use it. We'll work something else out. And thanks to all of you who read my book and gave me feedback. Really do appreciate it. (And R. thanks for the on-line review.)
I received a great question a few days ago about in-laws and as soon as I gather my thoughts I'm going to do a blog on them. It is really a "how do you handle people in cose quarters" kind of question. and when I say "close quarters" I don't necessarily mean physical space. The familial relationship (whether it be by blood or marriage) forces interactions that you might otherwise avoid with people you don't get a long with.
We had our own in-law issue or shall I say non-issue. There was a great deal of negativity about my mariage on my parents side. It was the first time my mother and I really had a true falling out. But once we married my mother handled everything beautifully.
I am going to sit down assess what she did and try to put it in a form you can use - hopefully. At the very least I will try.
Lynn
Thanks for all of you who gave me book suggestions. I'm still thinking about what I should do.I have no idea how to answer the iRead question. I don't even think I'm going to use it. We'll work something else out. And thanks to all of you who read my book and gave me feedback. Really do appreciate it. (And R. thanks for the on-line review.)
I received a great question a few days ago about in-laws and as soon as I gather my thoughts I'm going to do a blog on them. It is really a "how do you handle people in cose quarters" kind of question. and when I say "close quarters" I don't necessarily mean physical space. The familial relationship (whether it be by blood or marriage) forces interactions that you might otherwise avoid with people you don't get a long with.
We had our own in-law issue or shall I say non-issue. There was a great deal of negativity about my mariage on my parents side. It was the first time my mother and I really had a true falling out. But once we married my mother handled everything beautifully.
I am going to sit down assess what she did and try to put it in a form you can use - hopefully. At the very least I will try.
Lynn
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Authors at the Teague
had a wonderful afternoon yesterday at the Teague Library. I went to do a booksigning and what I ended up having was a warm conversation with a room full of really wonderful people. I had a prepared statement and I never got to it.
When I spoke of my father and his illness ladies around the room chimed in to say "at my house it was my . . " then they would fill in the blank with mother - father or husband. We all had the same story and we spoke of the pressure of the silence we all shared about our circumstances.
Everyone, even those who haven't shared my experience, was so much fun and involved in the conversation. We talked about life, my husband (who was there - so I was careful ) and Divorce Court.
And I certainly don't want to forget the several stoic men who came and braved a whole room of emoting women. Thank you.
I hope my book and the things my mom did to calm the chaos in my life helps at least a little. Even for those with other issues (we all have them) I hope the book helps. The whole thing is just about better emotional control.
Thank you all for showing up and sharing freely.
Lynn
When I spoke of my father and his illness ladies around the room chimed in to say "at my house it was my . . " then they would fill in the blank with mother - father or husband. We all had the same story and we spoke of the pressure of the silence we all shared about our circumstances.
Everyone, even those who haven't shared my experience, was so much fun and involved in the conversation. We talked about life, my husband (who was there - so I was careful ) and Divorce Court.
And I certainly don't want to forget the several stoic men who came and braved a whole room of emoting women. Thank you.
I hope my book and the things my mom did to calm the chaos in my life helps at least a little. Even for those with other issues (we all have them) I hope the book helps. The whole thing is just about better emotional control.
Thank you all for showing up and sharing freely.
Lynn
Friday, January 9, 2009
Objection sustained
My bad.
Am I impatient or what?
I'll give it a couple of days and we'll pick something.
Am I impatient or what?
I'll give it a couple of days and we'll pick something.
Not My Hubby
I have gotten a couple of comments about the picture I have on here where I am in a purple dress and am with a man. I've been told we are a cute couple.
Just for the sake of clarity that guy is Tony Perkins, a TV news anchor - not my husband. If you want to see E aka (Big Man) look on my web site judgelynn.com.
By the way, I see you are not feeling the book thing so I'll move on.
Just for the sake of clarity that guy is Tony Perkins, a TV news anchor - not my husband. If you want to see E aka (Big Man) look on my web site judgelynn.com.
By the way, I see you are not feeling the book thing so I'll move on.
iRead
I started a thing called iRead on my page or maybe there already was one and I joined. (Isn't that sad I don't even understand what's on my own page - to be truthful, I didn't do it my tech guy did) and I am not even sure how to work it. (He's coming over today to explain it to me). He started it because I am always talking about reading - I buy books like a crack addict buys rocks.
Of course, I started out with my own book. But I am a fan of reading and I want to really use the iRead thing so we can have discussions about books. So while I am learning how to work this thing I am putting a general call out. Any recommendations on good books? How about book types? What kind of things do you enjoy reading?
And if you don't read what do you think would get you interested? Don't back off cause its not your thing. MySpace wasn't mine but I tried it and liked it.
I read a lot of history and non fiction but I do read some novels. So give me some suggestions. My husband says the stuff I read is too academic. (and I'll admit I like things thick and fact filled). But I'm willing to expand my horizons.
We could start with mine (it's an easy read and cheap - only $3.00 on Amazon last I looked - but we don't have to) If there is something good anyone of you would like to recommend let's work with it. I'd really like to have an interactive talk. (again I'll have to learn how) but let's stretch out here.
Of course, I started out with my own book. But I am a fan of reading and I want to really use the iRead thing so we can have discussions about books. So while I am learning how to work this thing I am putting a general call out. Any recommendations on good books? How about book types? What kind of things do you enjoy reading?
And if you don't read what do you think would get you interested? Don't back off cause its not your thing. MySpace wasn't mine but I tried it and liked it.
I read a lot of history and non fiction but I do read some novels. So give me some suggestions. My husband says the stuff I read is too academic. (and I'll admit I like things thick and fact filled). But I'm willing to expand my horizons.
We could start with mine (it's an easy read and cheap - only $3.00 on Amazon last I looked - but we don't have to) If there is something good anyone of you would like to recommend let's work with it. I'd really like to have an interactive talk. (again I'll have to learn how) but let's stretch out here.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Clearing up a Few Things
I must say, some of you are really paying close attention. I recieved a message the other day from a woman who is reading my book My Mother's Rules and had a question about what was in it. In my book I talk about my father who was a lawyer, but Ruthie (hello) says she remembers me saying that my father worked in a linoleum factory and that he had a problem that made it difficult for him to walk or talk (I can't remember which she said)
The first two things are both true. My father was a lawyer but when he first got out of law school in 1947 he could not get a job practicing law. White firms just wouldn't hire black lawyers so he had to start his own practice. Until it got off the ground though, he worked in a linoleum factory because he needed money to live. I told that story in court because I was talking to a man who said he didn't have a job because of a 'series of unfortunate circumstances' all of which, in HIS case turned out to be excuses.
My father was a black man born in 1919 he was 5'2" tall born in the hills of West Virgina. He worked his way through college digging coal in coal mines. He is what I look to when I think things are tough.
And as for the disability thing the only one dad had was psychosis. And trust me, that was enough!!!!!
The first two things are both true. My father was a lawyer but when he first got out of law school in 1947 he could not get a job practicing law. White firms just wouldn't hire black lawyers so he had to start his own practice. Until it got off the ground though, he worked in a linoleum factory because he needed money to live. I told that story in court because I was talking to a man who said he didn't have a job because of a 'series of unfortunate circumstances' all of which, in HIS case turned out to be excuses.
My father was a black man born in 1919 he was 5'2" tall born in the hills of West Virgina. He worked his way through college digging coal in coal mines. He is what I look to when I think things are tough.
And as for the disability thing the only one dad had was psychosis. And trust me, that was enough!!!!!
Monday, January 5, 2009
One sided?
Hello everybody,
I am going to address an issue now that has caused me some concern of late. In emails at the show I have gotten a couple of comments in which I have been accused of gender bias. Some say that I am too tough on the guys especially the black ones. So I have been watching my show lately with that in mind and guess what: I do see how one could get that impression. It does look that way.
The thing is I try very hard to be balanced. VERY HARD. That having been said I am going to work harder to improve that. In my own defense however I would like to point out the following things that may add to an impression of bias.
1. We can only air the couples we get. The vast majority that we find are women who want to come on the show who have been wronged. Men who have been made fools of cheated on or are hen pecked to death are less likely to be comfortable telling the world about it. Women - we don't mind so much. So I get more of "this guys done me wrong" cases than the other way around.
2. Each show takes 40 - 45 minutes to tape but we only air 18-20minutes. They edit the show so we can get the story told and the most exciting parts on. Sometimes a lot of what I say gets edited out. (I have been able to talk to those who editt and they are aware of my balance issues and are keeping that in mind)
3. It might seem that I am always yelling at black guys biut we get a lot more black couples than white who call in. (A cultural thing?) I don't know. That's just how it is.
4. A couple people say I always start with the woman. That goes back to the story telling thing. Our only rule that determines who we start with is who is the best talker. Who is going to get the story out quickly but thoroughly. We women talk a lot. We talk about our relationships all the time. We already have it in story form so more often than not we start with her because she can 'set up the show' better.
Having said all of that I am still going to watch my p's and q's on this issue. One can never be TOO balanced.
I am going to address an issue now that has caused me some concern of late. In emails at the show I have gotten a couple of comments in which I have been accused of gender bias. Some say that I am too tough on the guys especially the black ones. So I have been watching my show lately with that in mind and guess what: I do see how one could get that impression. It does look that way.
The thing is I try very hard to be balanced. VERY HARD. That having been said I am going to work harder to improve that. In my own defense however I would like to point out the following things that may add to an impression of bias.
1. We can only air the couples we get. The vast majority that we find are women who want to come on the show who have been wronged. Men who have been made fools of cheated on or are hen pecked to death are less likely to be comfortable telling the world about it. Women - we don't mind so much. So I get more of "this guys done me wrong" cases than the other way around.
2. Each show takes 40 - 45 minutes to tape but we only air 18-20minutes. They edit the show so we can get the story told and the most exciting parts on. Sometimes a lot of what I say gets edited out. (I have been able to talk to those who editt and they are aware of my balance issues and are keeping that in mind)
3. It might seem that I am always yelling at black guys biut we get a lot more black couples than white who call in. (A cultural thing?) I don't know. That's just how it is.
4. A couple people say I always start with the woman. That goes back to the story telling thing. Our only rule that determines who we start with is who is the best talker. Who is going to get the story out quickly but thoroughly. We women talk a lot. We talk about our relationships all the time. We already have it in story form so more often than not we start with her because she can 'set up the show' better.
Having said all of that I am still going to watch my p's and q's on this issue. One can never be TOO balanced.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Two Things
First thing: Off the Wall
I've changed my mind (sort of). If you read my New Years blog you know I said I don't make New Years Resolutions because I resolve all of the time. And that's true. I am always on a PIP (Personal Imrpovement Project).
If you paid attention you probably noted a little saddness in my post. I was feeling a little blue that day. Part of my battle. Took a couple of days but I cycled out.
Anyway, I took a moment while I was 'in the weeds' to think about a few things and decided I will make a New years Resolution this year for no other reason than it couldn't hurt and I haven't done it before. New is good if it is a reach for better. (and yes, I know I said trying to be better was a part of my problem) but I had a case of the sads and i was thinking about it all wrong.
My New Year's Resoultion is to Get Off the Wall. My husband and I were talking about it. I'm like a soldier on the wall - guard duty. I live my life pressing watching worrying. My getting better resolution is to Get Off the Wall. I am not quite sure how I am going to do it but knowing I'm up on it is the first step.
Second Thing: Switching
I received a very interesting message from one of you who said that she liked my show because I didn't 'switch' It was an interesting and thoughful comment that's why I am bringing it up. (I love these kind of commentaries by the way - ones that make me think and are analytic in some way - Thank You) This woman said she was white and that she thought I kept it real on my show because I didn't switch from being black to white when I talked to different people. That I didn't change my speech patterns or language when I am talking to black or white people.
I don't know if I do or don't on my show. But I thought that was a great comment. I do 'switch' though. But I don't consider it so much a 'black/white' thing but a 'am I making myself clear' thing. I speak in whatever manner I believe will make myself understood and part of that means I evaluate my audience and speak in a manner that will touch them. On the show I am at home (that's how I feel anyway) and that's how I speak. But if I'm talking to someone who only watched CNN and would never watch a judge show and who only reads the Wall Street Journal I speak differently. I want to be persuasive. To do so I must speak the right language.
I know a lot of people have their 'in the house' dialect (for lack of a better word) and their 'at work' dialect. I know that sometimes black folk speak differently among themselves than when they speak in a mixed environment. I think I do depending on the circumstances.
So what do you guys think. Do you do it? Is that bad thing?
I've changed my mind (sort of). If you read my New Years blog you know I said I don't make New Years Resolutions because I resolve all of the time. And that's true. I am always on a PIP (Personal Imrpovement Project).
If you paid attention you probably noted a little saddness in my post. I was feeling a little blue that day. Part of my battle. Took a couple of days but I cycled out.
Anyway, I took a moment while I was 'in the weeds' to think about a few things and decided I will make a New years Resolution this year for no other reason than it couldn't hurt and I haven't done it before. New is good if it is a reach for better. (and yes, I know I said trying to be better was a part of my problem) but I had a case of the sads and i was thinking about it all wrong.
My New Year's Resoultion is to Get Off the Wall. My husband and I were talking about it. I'm like a soldier on the wall - guard duty. I live my life pressing watching worrying. My getting better resolution is to Get Off the Wall. I am not quite sure how I am going to do it but knowing I'm up on it is the first step.
Second Thing: Switching
I received a very interesting message from one of you who said that she liked my show because I didn't 'switch' It was an interesting and thoughful comment that's why I am bringing it up. (I love these kind of commentaries by the way - ones that make me think and are analytic in some way - Thank You) This woman said she was white and that she thought I kept it real on my show because I didn't switch from being black to white when I talked to different people. That I didn't change my speech patterns or language when I am talking to black or white people.
I don't know if I do or don't on my show. But I thought that was a great comment. I do 'switch' though. But I don't consider it so much a 'black/white' thing but a 'am I making myself clear' thing. I speak in whatever manner I believe will make myself understood and part of that means I evaluate my audience and speak in a manner that will touch them. On the show I am at home (that's how I feel anyway) and that's how I speak. But if I'm talking to someone who only watched CNN and would never watch a judge show and who only reads the Wall Street Journal I speak differently. I want to be persuasive. To do so I must speak the right language.
I know a lot of people have their 'in the house' dialect (for lack of a better word) and their 'at work' dialect. I know that sometimes black folk speak differently among themselves than when they speak in a mixed environment. I think I do depending on the circumstances.
So what do you guys think. Do you do it? Is that bad thing?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year
Happy New Year to all of you.
I never make New Year's resolutions cause I spend my whole life resolving. I feel a lot of pressure all of the time for no particular reason whatsoever. To Be Better. . . To Be Better. . .
Sometimes I think the one thing I really need to do To Be Better is to stop trying To Be Better all of the time.
New year. Are you excited about it? If so tell me why. Did you make resolutions? If so tell me what.
Tyring to feel appropriately energized today.
I never make New Year's resolutions cause I spend my whole life resolving. I feel a lot of pressure all of the time for no particular reason whatsoever. To Be Better. . . To Be Better. . .
Sometimes I think the one thing I really need to do To Be Better is to stop trying To Be Better all of the time.
New year. Are you excited about it? If so tell me why. Did you make resolutions? If so tell me what.
Tyring to feel appropriately energized today.
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