Working the Edges

I got a message the other day that reminded me of lots of the emails I get at the show so, once again, I'd like to respond to what I see is a continuing concern a lot of people have.

In general, I get messages from people who are overwhelmed and stuck. I've made mistakes, they say, and now I am stuck with a man I don't love, dead end job, no education a whole bunch of kids, anger I can't get over - you name it. There messages are usually cathartic - they have a rush of words born of anger and frustration.

First, I'd like to say I see, in some of those letters, a strength that the people writting them may not recognize. The fact that they are still up and swinging and have identified their problems and are writing about them says a lot about their own strength. They may not feel it at the time but it is there and I want them to see that.

Second, I would also like to say a lot of you are dealing with hurts and problems I haven't personally had to endure and want to make sure you know I don't think I am all-seeing and wise especially about places I have not been or things I have not had to overcome. I do want you to know this though. I was raised in a house with a man who was psychotic. And I wasn't wound to tight myself. I had my first nervous breakdown at 9. I have emotional issues that still stalk me to this day. There were a couple of times my family thought that I was going to go down the same road my father did. (though I must say he was a wonderful man and very successful - he was just a bitch to live with) But my mother taught me how to fight the worst of myself. And though I don't know exactly what you may be going through I did pick up a couple of things from mom I found helpful in any situation. By the way, my mom did grow up in a poor and messy situation - young single mother - no money - bad neighborhood - and it was the rules she used to move up and out of that that kept me out of the luny bin:

It's a complicated process but my mother taught me that you can't make progress if you don't have a plan. The first thing she made me come to grips with is that you can't have plan to fix anything if you look at everything that is wrong all at once. Its too much. Its overwhelming and you can't fix them by doing one or two things.

If you look at the entire scope of your problems all at once they look insurmoutnable and you won't have any idea what to do, so you have to WORK THE EDGES. Find one small thing you can do something about. Or find one small joy or source of support you can put in your week. You may not be able to change all that is wrong but you can chip away at it. And every little victory makes you feel better about the rest of the mess you are dealing with.

This is a small thing but its important. Its the first step but its one I found indispensible. I wrote this just to pass on a little hope and encouragment. I wrote this to let you know I heard you. I wrote this hoping to give you a place to start.