The Comfort of Others

Hello everybody, I just returned from New York where I did an appearance on the Mike and Juliet Show on their Verdict portion and did a short stint on Open Court on Tru TV. A couple of you asked what I was doing before I left so they could watch but things were so hectic I didn't get to tell you. The trip was last minute and I don't do last minute very well. I'll try to do better. In fact my mother called me yesterday and gave me the blues over the phone because I didn't tell her. She said "Good thing I have freinds who know you don't tell me anything. They call whenever they see you on TV or in a magazine because they know I don't know."

I promised her I would do better as well. You see I am on new PIP. That's my own personal acronym - (Personal Improvement Project) I go on them all the time. Most don't work but every once in a while one sticks and some improvement is better than none.

This particular PIP was inspired by my sister Kathy, who as I write this I now realize probably doesn't know I have a MySpace page. She laid me out a couple of weeks ago about my tendency to stay to myself. I am, by nature, an unrelenting loner. All my life, alone at home has been my ultimate destination. It is, I believe, one of the best ways I have found to score my drug of choice, CONTROL. Not of others but of myself and my surroundings.

I am haunted by a few things. My very nature is one of them. I have gotten where I am despite my concerted efforts to get someplace else not nearly as good. I won't go into detail here. If you are truly interested I put all of the ridiculous details in my memoir, My Mother's Rules, which, to this day my mother is still pissed about.

Anyway, my new PIP is to learn to enjoy leaving the house, stay in closer touch with the people I love and actually, pursue personal friendships. My husband says I am nice to everybody and close to no one except him and our boys. And on my bad days he's not even sure that he's on the list. So I am going out tonight. Neighbor is having a party. My husband's going over his buddy's tommorrow and at first I told him no but I just told he yes.

I think it is part of the reason I enjoy MySpace so much. I can connect at a distance. I find the intimate anonimity of it comforting.

I call my Mom everyday now. Don't talk long because I'm impatient but I make the call. Slow steps. Right direction. I'll never be gregarious. But I am going to make an effort to learn to enjoy the comfort of others.

I like my PIPs. They are always uncomfortable but I make it a game. I am very competetive. 'I can't beat this' is always my mantra. It's what I try to explain to people on the show and in my book. You have to zero in on what's not serving you well and work it like a job.

So here's wishing you peace and a new PIP of your own. Why not? The worst that can happen is nothing at all. The best would be that you're still you but better.

Peace.