What Other people Think

I got a question today that reminded me of something a lot of people ask me and it is about listening to what other people think about the relationship you are in. You know, you can't pay attention to every ten cent opinion that you get. That doesn't mean you should ignore people either. What you have to do is put it in perspective.

Who is this person?

Are they older? Do they have more experience?

Do they really love me? What shape is their personal life in?

You get the picture?

And for the young lady who said that everyone says that any relationship with a returning military man is doomed: Here's my ten cents worth.

I don't know anything about that. It may very well be hard. Many people have faced this problem and they can't have all been unsuccessful. So first believe that it can be done.

But expect that it might be hard and talk about it before anything goes wrong. And when i say talk about it I mean to HIM. You can ask others who have re-meshed after deployment successfully to see if they have anything to offer. But you have to believe they you are in control of the manner in which you two reconnect. Talk about the problems that are bound to pop up BEFORE they do. Be respectful of how he has changed and ask him to do the same. Get help if you need it sooner rather than later. Remember sometimes men have trouble talking about things so give him time. You can put an issue out there and say let's talk about it tonight over dinner. Give him time to pull up how he feels and put it into words.

And don't start calling your girlfriends to talk about all that's wrong. You know we ladies have a tendency to do that. We really can get each other worked up. That doesn't mean we can't share but be careful and mature about it.

I don't know if any of that will work but it can't hurt, Just don't throw up your hands and give up. Stay positive and fight for your marriage. And don't expect to be happy all the time. Marriage can, on occassion, simply suck.

For what its worth. Good Luck!