Who me?

Good morning. I have gotten a lot of comments on Myspace and in emails to Divorce Court lately about mental illness. Several were from women who were surprised that I talked about my battle with depresssion on Divorce Court. Others have referrenced my book, My Mother's Rules, in which I discuss the fact that my father was bi-polar.

My first thought on this subject is: you get what you get and there is nothing to be ashamed about. Yes, I've battled with depression and still do on occasion. Ain't no shame in my game. I am the stronger for it. I am more congnizant of and able handle all of my emotions because of the help I have gotten with that. I read a book by Terrie Williams called Black Pain that talks about the prevelance of depression in blacks and our reluctance to talk about it. That silence is deadly. In the last two years I have had three friends - regular guys who seemed to be doing well - a lawyer- a medical assistant and a minister who committed suicide. After each the words 'why' were on everones lips. That doesn't mean those around them were responisble. It just points to the unnecessary pain people end up living with as long as we, as a society, continue to be ashamed of or embarrassed by the fact we have emotional issues.

Personally I am big on hollering for help when I need it. And I don't mind talking about my battle if it helps someone else with theirs. In fact, I don't mind talking about it at all. It's a part of me. Like I said, ain't no shame in my game.

The Bi-polar thing is a little different. I had a hard time feeling comfortable telling people about my father's mental illness because, in a sense, it was not my story to tell. So I only wrote the book after he died. HE WAS A GREAT BRILLANT AND HIGHLY PRINCIPLED MAN. He did not ask God to make him psychotic so he could torment his wife and children. It was just who he was.

Having said that though, hear this. Kids should be protected, always. Bipolar is not an excuse to allow abuse. If you are dealing with a situation where you have a family member suffering from mental illness you can holler for help too. There is an national organization called NAMI (the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) that has support groups for families who have mentally ill relatives. To the young woman who was just sick of hearing about it as an excuse for your relative being mean. I hear your pain. You should be assisted and not fluffed off. It doesn't make it okay and I say keep talking about it - find another trusted adult - someone ought to listen to you. In the mean time remember its him and not you. Step back, steel yourself don't argue or get into it personally. Find your joy elsewhere and stick with it. Don't let the things he says define you in any way. Stay strong, take care, keep asking for help. I am with you in spirit.

Peace.