Who me?

Good morning. I have gotten a lot of comments on Myspace and in emails to Divorce Court lately about mental illness. Several were from women who were surprised that I talked about my battle with depresssion on Divorce Court. Others have referrenced my book, My Mother's Rules, in which I discuss the fact that my father was bi-polar.

My first thought on this subject is: you get what you get and there is nothing to be ashamed about. Yes, I've battled with depression and still do on occasion. Ain't no shame in my game. I am the stronger for it. I am more congnizant of and able handle all of my emotions because of the help I have gotten with that. I read a book by Terrie Williams called Black Pain that talks about the prevelance of depression in blacks and our reluctance to talk about it. That silence is deadly. In the last two years I have had three friends - regular guys who seemed to be doing well - a lawyer- a medical assistant and a minister who committed suicide. After each the words 'why' were on everones lips. That doesn't mean those around them were responisble. It just points to the unnecessary pain people end up living with as long as we, as a society, continue to be ashamed of or embarrassed by the fact we have emotional issues.

Personally I am big on hollering for help when I need it. And I don't mind talking about my battle if it helps someone else with theirs. In fact, I don't mind talking about it at all. It's a part of me. Like I said, ain't no shame in my game.

The Bi-polar thing is a little different. I had a hard time feeling comfortable telling people about my father's mental illness because, in a sense, it was not my story to tell. So I only wrote the book after he died. HE WAS A GREAT BRILLANT AND HIGHLY PRINCIPLED MAN. He did not ask God to make him psychotic so he could torment his wife and children. It was just who he was.

Having said that though, hear this. Kids should be protected, always. Bipolar is not an excuse to allow abuse. If you are dealing with a situation where you have a family member suffering from mental illness you can holler for help too. There is an national organization called NAMI (the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) that has support groups for families who have mentally ill relatives. To the young woman who was just sick of hearing about it as an excuse for your relative being mean. I hear your pain. You should be assisted and not fluffed off. It doesn't make it okay and I say keep talking about it - find another trusted adult - someone ought to listen to you. In the mean time remember its him and not you. Step back, steel yourself don't argue or get into it personally. Find your joy elsewhere and stick with it. Don't let the things he says define you in any way. Stay strong, take care, keep asking for help. I am with you in spirit.

Peace.

Teenaged dating

I just had to say something about the comment I got about teenaged dating. I had a message from a young lady saying she is 16 and dating a 24 year old man. Her mother doesn't like it but the young lady believes that she is old enough to make her own dating decisions.

Here it is. Hear me. As much as you think you know at 16 your mother knows more. She's been where you are and she has also been to places you haven't been. At 16 you don't even know how much it is you don't know.

I will be 49 next month I STILL listen to my mother because no matter how old I am she's older and knows more. Age is not just a number. It is a short hand way of measuring experience. Certainly some 16 year olds are wiser and more experienced than others. But I have yet to meet a 16 year old in love who knew more than her mother about what that meant.

I don't know the guy your dating but I know from what I'VE seen when a 24 year old man is dating a sixteen year old typically it is not cool. Not to mention it is a felony in some states.

That love thing can make your brain mushy especially when you are young. My opinion: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!

As promised

Okay as promised I am going to give you my ten cents worth on a couple of themes I've gotten from people who visit me here or at www.judgelynn.com.

1. Generally, I don't discuss politics. I am all over the map on that issue. I don't accept any one policy, person, party or platform as a whole. That having been said, some have asked my opinion on speeches by the presidential candidates. I don't listen to political speeches. Napoleon had a beautiful quote about well-recieved political speeches which, in essence, said a great political speech simply depends on how well the speaker tells people exactly what they want to hear. I go by legislative records, experience, implemented programs and platforms (although the last I take with a grain of salt.) I take a look at what they've done and how they've done it and what they say in writting about both economic, foreign and social policy. They talk about that stuff in speeches but it is designed to inspire not inform.

2. I have had a few questions about telling people negative things like should I tell my friend her boyfriend hit on me. I come from a family of truth tellers, even when it hurts. That's the stuff that helps you most. But I can't say that's best for you. Sometimes its not what you say but the way you say it. If you feel you must say something be truthful about how conflicted you are about telling them but you didn't think you had the right not to. We ladies are funny though. We tend to believe the guy cause its what our hearts want so you have to be prepared for that if you do tell. Personally I'd want to know but I found out the hard way not everybody's like that. Has anyone out there have an opinion you'd like to share?

3. Again lots of people ask me for advice and I usually can't go there so please don't feel offended that I don't adress your problem. Like i always say I usually don't have enough info and I get too many questions to give good responses but I do have themes I can adress like the one above.

Judge Lynn

I’m Back

I just wanted to check in and say hello to everybody. My computer crashed and I have been offline or had limited access through others computers.

I want to say Hi to the people I met at the Tom Joyner Family Reunion weekend. It was a great time!

I am excited about the new season of Divorce Court starting on Monday. I am still reading through messages. Lots of you have good questions or really important issues. And as always although I can't answer personally I am going to pick out a theme or a couple of topics and give you my ten cents worth. Take it easy!

Tom Joyner Weekend

Hello,

Tomorrow I am off to The Tom Joyner Family Weekend in Florida where I will serve on a panel about relationships and the family. I am really looking forward to it. I must say I see a lot of tension between men and women on so many issues:. Other baby's momma drama. Divorce. Anger on both sides: Men who think women take advantage of them with child support or only date them if they pay bills. Women who think that men never stay faithful, expect them to pay all the bills and do all of the house work. I recently heard for the first time a phrase called the '$400 solution'. Have any of you heard that? The way I heard it it's used to say to a woman "I'm not paying child support if you don't take the $400 solution to this unwanted pregnancy." Then there is the angry black woman claim; that so many of us are hollering screaming and difficult to deal with.

I know how I think and feel on a lot of relationship topics. But I always like to hear from others so I can know what's going on with everybody else and challenge my own ideas. So what do you think? Is there something you'd love me to bring to the table at the conference?

Talk to me.

New Season

It's that time again. The new season of Divorce Court is starting on September 8th. Check out our new Before the Vows and tell me what you think. Also if you are interested in seeing Divorce Court behind the scenes about how we put the show together and introducing you to my family check out InFANity a show on the TV Guide Channel. It will air August 25th at 1:00 pm, August 26th at 7 pm, August 27th at 3:00 pm and August 31st at 5:00 pm.

Stephanie Tubbs Jones

Often we spend a lot of time looking at, admiring and talking about people who are famous entertainers and athletes. And there is nothing wrong with that. I mean, I am an entertainer and part of my job is to remain in the public eye. But what concerns me is that we don't have an equal interest in or knowledge of lower profile but more important and powerful people.

Yesterday, Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones died. She was the first black congresswoman from Ohio. She was the Chairwoman of the House Ethic Committee. She was on the very powerful Ways and Means Committee (those are the people in Washington that do the nuts and bolts of who should get federal money). She first became a judge at 31.

She was my friend. She introduced me to and later performed the wedding ceremony for my husband and me.

If you have a moment today Google her. Just so you know what we lost.