The One

I received a message the other day from a woman who was about to get married. She says she's scared and asked me how I knew my husband was "The One."

Well, it depends on what you mean by "The One." I do not believe there is one person on the planet who is your soulmate. I mean think about it. There are billions of people on this earth. If there is only one guy you can make it with no one would ever marry. Out of these billions, given the population distribution on the planet, odds are my guy is living in China. I think the"The One" soulmate thing is a fairytale and I don't believe it.

Now some people do manage to find someone they really love and have a wonderful relationship for decades. But seamless is unsusal - delightful no doubt - but there is usually work involved.

My husband is "The One" for me though because he is "The One" I picked. I think we could have both made it this far with a number of people. But we picked each other. He had the qualities I wanted and I had what he wanted. We fell in love and then we worked at it. My aunt and uncle have been married for 60 years and they say the same thing - it's not all fun but if you are committed and work at it "The One" you pick can be "The One" you make it to the finish line with.

The thing is you can't make your pick based on that rush of love alone. Once you feel good about a person you have to figure out what you both want in life. You have to talk about money and children and lifestyle and needs. You have to know what wrong with you and what's wrong with him. There is something wrong with everybody, you know, and if you think he or she is perfect you just don't know them well enough. You should be able to list the things you don't like about the other one and make a decision whether you can live with it long term. If a woman is a spendthrift when you are dating she'll still be one once you marry her. The only difference is she'll be spending your money. Likewise if a guy is a slob and you don't like that, it won't get any better. The only thing that will change is that now his mess will be in your house.

My position is not a very romantic one but it has worked for me so far. There are no guarantees but we are now at the point where we really want to stay together if for no other reason than we are too old to get back out there and look for someone else! We try HARD.