Somebody Help Me Out

This week four different people told me they saw my show 6 times in a row in a mini-marathon type of deal. What station was this on? I feel silly. I know nothing about it. Someone also said they saw me on a Sunday. What's up with that?

Nothing Like Motherhood

There is nothing like motherhood to keep you grounded. There I was standing next to two US Senators to give a small statement. Next I am off to a luncheon to receive an award previously given to the likes of Colin Powell, Ruby Dee and Vice President Al Gore. Then right in the middle of the luncheon I get a text from my son saying 'I got pink eye'.

Now, pops is home with him. Took him to the doctor and everything. But he needed me to know. I sent him as as much love as I could from 2,000 miles a way. Electronic communication lacks warms though. I felt bad.

I AM comfort to him. I AM in charge of healthcare. I AM the woman who deals with all of the gross stuff. I AM a mother. I AM never off duty.

There was no milk in the house when I got home. I could see 'please make me a meal' in the sad puppy eyes of my youngest son. But my plane was late and it was 11:00 at night and I had just spent all my energy doing my job.

Next morning though I got up and went shopping. I put on my doctors's hat and soothed the older one. Hubby must have felt a little bad though, because for the first time n 20 years, he made dinner while I was here and available. (Or maybe it was because I made an uncharacteristic comment when he asked me how I was feeling - I believe it was something to the effect of "I'm really in an 'I don't give a s***' kind of mood") My husband is all man but he's no fool.

Part of this is my fault though. I keep handling all the home stuff without letting him 'take over'. First, because I knew what I was doing and had been doing it for years and wanted to make sure it was done 'right' - which usually means my way. But also because I always felt that he felt the home front stuff was demeaning. I think he's getting past that now. I think he sees how important and difficult being in charge of home is.

Or maybe I've just gotten a little bitchy. Not necessarily a place one wants to go but if used sparingly and distributed appropriately ....

Back fro Philly

Hi Everybody,

My experience in Philly was beyond phenominal. I did the symbolic ringing of the Liberty Bell. I spoke both there (along with 2 US Senators which i don't care what anyone says is intimidating) And I gave a speech at a luncheon. Everyone laughed and cried. And that 's what I always want to do: take the audience on the full ride.

By the way, Not that Barak Obama needs my help, but can I say this? People were talking about him with great love affection and excitement. And I think they were as thrilled about the nature of the man himself as they were about the historical nature of the event. I am fully on board for that!

But I have got to say some of the people I talked to spoke as if come tommorrow all will be right with the world. I had several conversations with people who expected everything to be better on the 21st: from economic woes, war, poverty, health care and visions of sudden and complete societal equality for all. It was a little scary to see such fairy tale expectations.


Give the man a chance. Our problems are many and complex. He will make mistakes and bad calls. He will not fix everything right away. He is a very intelligent man, an astute politician and all signs point to him being a moral man (I never make that call unless I know people personally or they have had time to let the shine wear of and we see them at their worst) But so far he's looking good.

I think he is the right guy at the right time. But don't expect perfection. And remember he can't do it alone. A great president (which I truly hope he turns out to be) can't make a great America. We all have to do our part. A great way to start is to read up on your local politicians and issues. Be educated about what's going on in your own city. When you go to the polls to elect your mayor, judges (if they are not appointed in your state) counselmen or whatever make sure you know who these people are. And don't just go to the polls because you are excited about something historic. Go to the polls EVERYTIME they're open to you. Read about the issues. Support local people and issues you think are about something. It's no time to stop now. We are not at the finish line. The race has just begun.

So like I said PLEASE give the man a chance. Do your part. And if the pressure of the worlds trouble become to much for you to bear watch Divorce Court . We'll laugh together!!!!!

By the Way

Just so you know I am not going to become a One Note Sister with this book thing. It may not be your cup of tea and I'm am not going to turn my blog into a library.

Once we get started we'll roll with it but I still intend to write about how I feel and what's going on and talk about what's on you guy's minds.

I have always wanted to write a journal. I have a terrible memory. My whole life is one big haze to me. I remember the highlights but I have never been really fully present until lately. My mind is always runnin' and gunnin'. Looking for the next problem. Worrying about what I should do or have already done. I have yet to smell a rose. (well maybe a few lately - I'm working on it.)

But anyway, this blog thing helps me. It's easy and it makes me stop and think and BE RIGHT HERE instead of worrying about the vast ifs what's and maybes that tend to dominate my life.

Thanks for being my audience for that. The doing (writing this and keeping track) seems to have purpose now and the feedback has value.

I promise to smell a rose today if you will.

Off to Philly

Hello Everyone,

I am going to Philly this week for a MLK event. I am very excited to go for several reasons:

1. it is an incredible honor. Check this out, I have been asked to speak at an event whose former speakers include Colin Powell , Ossie Davis and Al Gore. Talk about pressure. But I'm excited.

2.My husband and I have been together in this house for months. I'm on hiatus and he's working from home. Togetherness is one thing --but Good Grief. A little absence on occasion is a good thing. We love each other but enough is enough. . . .

3. My 13 year old is still 13. Need I say more? If I don't get out of this house now I might hurt him.

That having been said a couple more points:

I am still getting "Is this really you" or "Do I have a staff member writing for me" messages. It's me - It's me, and then again, It's me. I don't know what others do but this is what I do. There may come a day when I have to turn it over because I am too busy but more likely than not it will still be me but not as often.

And YES we are going to do my book, My Mother's Rules, first (we don't want Ruthie to have a stroke) But I am currently reading a new book for a new recommendation. I'd like to keep this going. Still haven't figured out the logistics but Chuck will rescue me. I am looking to do it the week of January 25th.

Enjoy. Wish me luck in Philly.

Can't out law In-Laws Part II

You know, I am a true believe in looking at things from multiple perspectives and I realized that I only gave one on my in-law blog. I've never been a mother in law so I'm not speaking from the depth of experience that I usually do so keep that in mind.

But here's a view from that stand point, a perspective I gained from the way my mother handled my marriage.

My parents did not want me to marry my husband for a number of valid reasons: namely he had four teenaged children, an ex-wife and all the anger money etc. problems that causes.

They tried hard to change my mind but could not. The day after I got married they stopped dogging him and got on board. You see the one thing they wanted more than anything else was for me to be happy. I decided to give it a try with him so they helped us. My mom even told him "I know you know we didn't want Lynn to marry you but it wasn't about you. We know if she loves you you have got to be a good guy. We were worried about your circumstances. We wanted things to be easier for her. We just want her to be happy" Then they let it go. They helped when we needed it and never said I told you so.

What I learned from that is if you are a mother/father in-law and the married kids problems are small don't dip in. You lived your life let them live theirs. Tell them what you know and how you think they should proceed but don't pick at people. That makes them resistent to everything you say.

Of course, if your child has married someone is beating them up then that's not the way to go. But even in that circumstance hooping and hollering usually does not help. It makes the daughter defensive. Guide. . . suggest. . . help . . put them in contact with others who they would believe. Get in touch with an abuse agency and ask them how to best assist her. Try to get them out but remember yelling at either party more often than not pushes them together.

If your kid marries someone you simply don't like but nothing dangerous is going on state your case calmly. Make small suggestions in an effort to assist. Don't dog the guy or gal they married out. Help him/her deal with problems they are having. Make sure they know they can always come home and you won't say I told you so.

It's hard to watch your kid struggle especially when you can see the trouble coming. But once they are married make sure you are helping your kid and not simply unloading your anger.

The problem here - as with just about anything else - is unleashed anger and unbridled emotion. Think. Be practical and tactical. Choose your battles. And when it doubt - stay out. If you are commenting on every little purchase, meal and money issue they will never listen to you. But if you speak up only occasionally and do so rationally they will be more likely to see you as assisting and not just bitching.

Now, as I said, I am not as sure about this advice as I am the other. Never been a mother in law but I watched my parents and I think they did ot well.

For what it's worth.

A Few Points

Okay here are my thoughts on a couple of subject areas people have brought up. First, as promised here's my ten cents worth on in law trouble:

1. Remember you can't change other people so all you can do is change how you respond. No matter how loudly or often you say something that typically is not an effective way to change some one's mind. I think the party whose parent is being difficult should deal with the situation. If your mother-in-law is giving you grief your spouse should hanlde the problem. You need to talk to him or her. Not when you're angry but at a time when things are good. Something like "I really get hurt by the things your mother says. I need you to talk to her when I'm not around. . . .Don't expect miracles just ask for a little relief. Tell them that so they think it is something that they can accomplish.

2.Learn the art of not arguing. Meet insult with a smile and a redirect. Example: "Mother-in-law: "You can't cook" You: "Ain't it a shame" followed by laughter. It's no fun insulting someone who doesn't get hurt by it.

3. Globalize Your Pain Quotient: You are not starving in the drought ravaged Sudan nor has your whole town been overrun by an enemy army . It's just some woman making nasty comments about you again. This too shall pass.

Next topic:

Someone asked me if I believed in love at first sight. I think I have answered this one before but it bears repeating NO NO and then again NO. I don't believe in it! I believe in lust at first sight. I believe in wishful thinking; I want the faily tale confusion at first sight but not love. Of course, everytime I say this someone tells me how they fell in love with their spouse at first sight and have been married 50 years. First of all good for you!!! I love happy endings. But I believe that is an exception. It just turned out that your great intial attraction involved two people who were right for each other. It happens but it's rare and the problem is people in the thows of the initial hormonal rush don't know the difference. If it's the real thing time will tell. Relationships are a job.

3. Ya'll leave Chuck (my tech guy) alone! He made a custom page for me that matched my website. I was the one fooling around and changed it to something standard. I just wanted to see what would happen.!
Have a great day,

Judge Lynn