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I just got back from vistiting my mother and old friends in Ohio. It's funny. No matter how old you get when you are with your mother she is in charge.

I needed to go and see her. She's doing great but you can't take anyone's ongoing presence for granted. My hubby didn't come with me. Just me and the boys. That was good because we got to TALK. (ladies, you know what I mean.)

Its also good for the boys to be around her. She can tell them things I want to say but they won't hear. Unfortunately, the 13 year old was not feeling it. He's having a hormone hey day. He's just in a non stop foul mood. I haven't seen the boy smile since Decemver '07. You'd think the boy was in reform school.

Nice to see my hubby again though I love the way love gets new all over again when you haven't seen each other in a while. We missed each other. And we are corny (or so my 16 year old tells me).

I have to tape in a few days so I am savoring the time I have at home. This is however where I do my best and hardest work. No complaints; just telling the truth. Moms don't get enough props!! We hold this thing together.

Peace.

I was all cranky today

I was all cranky today for no good reason. I hate housework and I still do it. My mother says I should hire somebody because not only do I hate it I'm not any good at it. She said I transported a whole truck load of dirt from Cleveland to Phoenix on the surface of my furniture when I moved.

Anyway, then I checked out this page and got tickled. I love the love I get here and the stuff I stress about is so silly. That's when I decided that today's children are too coddled so I made my teenaged boys clean the kitchen while I watched an old Bogart movie.

Mommy's on vacation!!! At least until dinner time.

Thanks for stopping by and hollering. You guys remind me how good things are.

I’m Confused

Okay people, I'm confused.

Recently I have been doing this thing on the show called Before the Vows where I help couples work through issues before they get married. In doing this I give them a test and in that test I ask the question:

Do you think one of you should be head of the house/ If so, Who?

I also asked about chores and household work.

Do you know that almost without exception people who responded said men should be the head of the house and that woman should do all of the house work. Even when they say a woman should work outside of the home they have the very same expectation of a woman at home that they did when "stay at home mom" was the norm. Not only that, guys are tellimg me that they would have a problem if their wife made more than they do. They seem to attribute control with money and they want the control.

Where is this equality we fought for in the 60's and 70's? If I make more money than my husband can't I at least be co captain? Did we get screwed when we went to work? Did we just add to our work load without getting anything on the other end? What's up with the male ego thing? Haven't we made any progress there? Are men that threatened by powerful women?

What's up with that? Let me know.

Nineteen

Hello everyone,

Several of you have asked for relationship advice and like I have said I can't do that in this venue after all I only hear one side and I just don't have enough info. HOWEVER, I have gotten a couple of requests from young ladies, the latest 19, asking me whether they should work out a difficult relationship with a boyfriend. While I can't give specific advice I would love to share my general opinion on love and nineteen.

Nineteen is for learning, exploring and expanding your mind. You should nuture positive relationships with people who can add to you in some meaningful way. And I don't don't mean money, I mean knowledge support care comfort. Nineteen is not a time to adopt problems or pursue a relationship like it is going to be always and forever.

I was a woman who fired boyfriends (and this is aboslutely true) for being chronically late to pick me up. If I tell them that Timeliness is important to me and they continue not to respect that then I moved on. I was 19. I had miles to travel and a mind to feed.

Now that I am married, I work at it. I deal with problems. I don't expect to be happy all of the time. But this is the guy I picked at 29 after years of looking -figuring out what it is I wanted in a man and establishing my own sense of self and independence. He is equally committed. But at 19? Are you kidding?

Your focus should be your tommorrow, your development, your education ,your future. If you find a guy that you like and you have a good positive relationship then cool roll with it.. But if it starts to suck up a whole lot of your time with negative drama that's when you reevaluate. You know, you can love people that are not good for you and you can initially not be attracted to a wonderful guy whose just right for you. Think your way through how you feel. Think. Think.

NPR

I am not sure how many of you know this but I am I bi-monthly contributor to The News and Notes show on NPR (National Public Radio) I am doing a segment today on the state of the relationship between black men and women. Gotta tell you this one has me nervous. Talk about a hot button issue. We seem so angry at one another these days. Women claiming brothers are just triflin' Brothers claiming sisters are nothin but gold diggers. I see it a lot on my show. I usually end up getting mad at everybody. Its a tough subject because it is so personal for us all. Wish me luck.

My Point of view

I've been asked about my point of view on the show. Here's my ten cents worth on that one:

Divorce Court is a show that requires a lot of listening. I need to find out how people feel and you can't do that by looking at a piece of paper. I read the background information to be sure, but I not only want to know what it is they have to say but I like to hear how, when and why they say it. People are fascinating. I enjoy them. Sometimes I just get truly tickled. I really do want to know how they got from point A to point B.

I also like to convince people of things. Shed a little light, so to speak. But you can't convince people of anything if you don't understand what it is they don't understand about why things went so wrong. As I say in my book: "You have to start where people are and slowly walk them home."

House still under construction. Kids still on my nerves. Husband downright charming. (Got to give a brother his due). The last thing makes the first two unimportant. I am in the eye of the storm that is currently my environment. Life is good.

Sense of Humor in Good Order

Thanks for all of the responses to my last blog. Ladies, I see you feel my pain. :). I am back home now from taping my latest set of shows. The men are still working on the house and my oldest is still working my nerves about the intrusion but my husband has returned to he regular self and the little one (though 13 and now perpetually teed off - hormones are something!!!) he's had one to many run ins with his father so he's toeing the line for now. I am still writing my books. I am working on three. I have a very short attention span. I am glad I got the break even though it was a trip to work. My sense of humor is in good order. That's critical you know.

By the way, for those of you who have asked is this really me I am not sure what I can do other than direct you to my web site www.judgelynn.com. It's my personal effort to encourage a calmer and better behaved world. Likewise for those of you who ask for help with personal problems my advice is still the same. I want to but I just can't. Too many requests, too little information. The only thing worse than getting no advice is giving bad advice. I believe in marriage counseling, though. My husband and I have done it and it was wonderful. I wish all of you who are struggling the very best. Stay strong. Take a step back and think before you react.