What did I win, you might ask. Well, I'd tell you if I knew. Though I'm not sure exactly what I've won I know who gave me the award.
Apparently there is a committee of 13 year old boys somewhere that pass out parental titles. And the reason I know I've gotten one is because I always have a house full of them. Even when they are all supposed to be somewhere else, they end up here - in quantity - and I'm not at all sure why.
That's why I've decided that I have been awarded something. I'm not sure which one I've gotten but I do have some ideas:
1. The Mother Most Likely to Order Pizza
- You see I have this thing about feeding my kids at regular intervals. And I can't feed mine without feeding everybody in the house who is under 18. I have this innate communal mother gene. Anybody in the house under 18 is my child while they are here. - So whenever meal time arrives I am getting food elsewhere (it's one thing to give your own family food poisoning but it's just embarassing to take down the entire 8th grade) And you know how 13 year old boys like to eat. Little hoover vaccuums - these people - And I don't know about yours but mine don't have an ounce of body fat anywhere. (pisses me off).
2. Mother Who Got Suckered into Buying the Most Game Systems.
- I think that one speaks for itself. And by the way you would not believe the funk generated by a room full of 13 year old boys huddling aroung a video game for a couple of hours with the door closed. Sometimes I throw them out and make them play ball just to air out the room.
3. Mother Least Likely to Go Crazy When Something Gets Broken.
- My 13 year old is very social. He has whole packs of friends. Several of them are very physical. They have a run and shoot offense. Skate boards bicycles, foot balls. You name it. They fly around here like a swarm of bees. I don't object too much for a couple of reasons: A. I like that they don't just sit around and play video games. B. He is the last of six sons. Lots off stuff has gotten broken over the years. You either learn to go with the flow or lose your mind. I decided to go with the former.
4. The Mother Most Likely To Engage In an Adolescent Conversation Without Judgement
I talk to them like I was thirteen. If they were engaged in some low level nonsense I ask about it like I am interested. I laugh. I say things like "You didn't really say that did you? That's cold. I bet he never bothers you again."
My son won't tell me anything but if your are non judgmental with other people's kids they give up all kinds of information. Of course, if they are doing something really bad (a) they don't tell me and (b) I'd get all in it. But they tell me what they are thinking and the basics of what they are doing. That's good intelligence. The CIA would be proud.
- Anyway, it appears that I've gotten the award for something. And like I said, you don't get a statue for it, all you get is a house full of kids.
I have four here now eventhough the plan was as of 5:00 pm yeasterday was that my son was going to sleep over at someone else's house. Next thing you know its 7:30 pm and I am getting a call saying 'can you pick me up from the mall and yea can Chris come.' I say okay. When I get there I find my son, Chris and yet another kid I didn't know about. What am I gonna do leave that last kid there? So I brought them all home. By the time I woke up this morning my husband says another showed up after I went to bed.
But as my husband says: It's better to have them here where we can keep and eye on them -
Mess, funk and broken lamps notwithstanding.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
That Thang
Yesterday we had a real interesting couple on Divorce Court. The woman on the show actually left a guy who stopped being a drug dealer and became a motrgage broker.
Her reason: He lost his swagger.
I get the bad boy thing. I do. They have a certain full throttle, super-maleness about them. A certain THANG that even I enjoy when I am in the room with one. The thing is I never would want to have one. They aren't shy or ashamed about who they are and what they do. They tell you what they think about women and relationships. You can see the romantic damage they leave in their wake all around them. Why in the world would I want to stand in line to see a movie called "Let Me Stomp on Your Heart"
When I was younger (and better looking) these guys would come after me all ofthe time. And when I say come after that is exactly what I mean. They'd keep coming and coming and coming. They did not take no well. I had to stock pile a whole aresnal of insults for them. And still . . . But I never took romantic aggression for an incredible desire for ME. I knew it had nothing to do with me being wonderful and it had everything to do with them 'catching their prey.'
I believe that if a person shows you who he is you should believe him. So my questions are these:
Ladies if you run around with them why? Do you not see what they do? Or do you just don't care? Is that THANG so good it doesn't matter what sles they do to you while you're getting it.? Or do you think you are the one right woman out there that can change him?
And guys, if you are one, do you believe this is the way things should be? Do you ever wonder if you hurt the women you're with? Do you think monogamy is an unnatural state?
And for the guys who don't: Do you wish you were more like them? Does the women's behavior in this regard annoy you? Do godo guys really finish last?
I find this topic fascinating
Her reason: He lost his swagger.
I get the bad boy thing. I do. They have a certain full throttle, super-maleness about them. A certain THANG that even I enjoy when I am in the room with one. The thing is I never would want to have one. They aren't shy or ashamed about who they are and what they do. They tell you what they think about women and relationships. You can see the romantic damage they leave in their wake all around them. Why in the world would I want to stand in line to see a movie called "Let Me Stomp on Your Heart"
When I was younger (and better looking) these guys would come after me all ofthe time. And when I say come after that is exactly what I mean. They'd keep coming and coming and coming. They did not take no well. I had to stock pile a whole aresnal of insults for them. And still . . . But I never took romantic aggression for an incredible desire for ME. I knew it had nothing to do with me being wonderful and it had everything to do with them 'catching their prey.'
I believe that if a person shows you who he is you should believe him. So my questions are these:
Ladies if you run around with them why? Do you not see what they do? Or do you just don't care? Is that THANG so good it doesn't matter what sles they do to you while you're getting it.? Or do you think you are the one right woman out there that can change him?
And guys, if you are one, do you believe this is the way things should be? Do you ever wonder if you hurt the women you're with? Do you think monogamy is an unnatural state?
And for the guys who don't: Do you wish you were more like them? Does the women's behavior in this regard annoy you? Do godo guys really finish last?
I find this topic fascinating
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
To Spank or Not To Spank
That is the question I am going to answer on NPR today (News and Notes at 1:40 pm Eastern time - if you care to listen)
I spank. Well, I used to. Boys too big now. They'd fall out laughing at me if I tried it now and as teenagers there are much more effective stuff than that. But anyway, I used to do it. Still believe in it. I know there are a lot of studies that say it makes the kids agressive and all of that. But have you read those studies? They do things like compare 2 groups of children: one group who never got spanked and another who got spaked 3-4 times a week. If you compare two extremes of anything of course you're going to come up with some outrageous results. They don't consider that if you have kids getting spanked almost daily that there something else going wrong at that house. The correlation isn't there because there are too many other variables.
I only spanked my oldest once in his whole life. (and truth be told he didn't deserve it, his uncharacteristic outright defiance and attitude was medically inspired as I later found - prednisone)
But the other one? The little guy a.k.a. Boomy, Mr. I wanna be hood, Sir "you saw me?"', "yep I got suspended again", "it was just a detention"? He got spanked more often. But here's the thing ,as bad as he was, I'd say he got no more than 2 -3 spankings in a bad year. Most years just one or none. Rare but meaningful. Capital offense kind of thing.
He and I were watching Oprah once. she had a guy on there saying spanking is child abuse and said it doesn't work. My little guy, then about 10 , looked at me (most certainly before he thought the comment or its consequences through - which is his habit - which is in turn whay he got spanked ) said "yeah, it does."
And that right there is why he got spnaked. He was not a long range thinker. If there were no immediate unpleasant consequences to behavior punishment didn't bother him. Time out or taking away things? Pleeeeeeeeease. No matter how often you explained to him why his brain didn't connect the dots.
I can't tell any other parent whether they should or should not spank. I don't know their temperment their children or their abilities. Sometimes its not a good idea. The probelm is most people spank out of anger and frustration and aren't thinking it through. Spanking is easy and it makes you feel better right away but that's not what its for.
It is an instructional tool to be used sparingly and with restraint. If you get spanked for every little infraction or whenever your parents are frustrated then it doesn't. Its random and toughens you up and makes you resentful and aggressive. But used sparingly and thoughtfully and well it , as my little guy reiterated last might when I asked him. "makes you not do it again.'
I am not advocating, I am just giving you my persepctive. These are my kids. I love them more than any researcher would. I also know them better. I want my full range of options in raising them. This is my husband and I's 2nd batch. First four boys grown. 7 grand kids. Good men. They spank too. Not a lot but . .
Again, my 10 cents worth.
I spank. Well, I used to. Boys too big now. They'd fall out laughing at me if I tried it now and as teenagers there are much more effective stuff than that. But anyway, I used to do it. Still believe in it. I know there are a lot of studies that say it makes the kids agressive and all of that. But have you read those studies? They do things like compare 2 groups of children: one group who never got spanked and another who got spaked 3-4 times a week. If you compare two extremes of anything of course you're going to come up with some outrageous results. They don't consider that if you have kids getting spanked almost daily that there something else going wrong at that house. The correlation isn't there because there are too many other variables.
I only spanked my oldest once in his whole life. (and truth be told he didn't deserve it, his uncharacteristic outright defiance and attitude was medically inspired as I later found - prednisone)
But the other one? The little guy a.k.a. Boomy, Mr. I wanna be hood, Sir "you saw me?"', "yep I got suspended again", "it was just a detention"? He got spanked more often. But here's the thing ,as bad as he was, I'd say he got no more than 2 -3 spankings in a bad year. Most years just one or none. Rare but meaningful. Capital offense kind of thing.
He and I were watching Oprah once. she had a guy on there saying spanking is child abuse and said it doesn't work. My little guy, then about 10 , looked at me (most certainly before he thought the comment or its consequences through - which is his habit - which is in turn whay he got spanked ) said "yeah, it does."
And that right there is why he got spnaked. He was not a long range thinker. If there were no immediate unpleasant consequences to behavior punishment didn't bother him. Time out or taking away things? Pleeeeeeeeease. No matter how often you explained to him why his brain didn't connect the dots.
I can't tell any other parent whether they should or should not spank. I don't know their temperment their children or their abilities. Sometimes its not a good idea. The probelm is most people spank out of anger and frustration and aren't thinking it through. Spanking is easy and it makes you feel better right away but that's not what its for.
It is an instructional tool to be used sparingly and with restraint. If you get spanked for every little infraction or whenever your parents are frustrated then it doesn't. Its random and toughens you up and makes you resentful and aggressive. But used sparingly and thoughtfully and well it , as my little guy reiterated last might when I asked him. "makes you not do it again.'
I am not advocating, I am just giving you my persepctive. These are my kids. I love them more than any researcher would. I also know them better. I want my full range of options in raising them. This is my husband and I's 2nd batch. First four boys grown. 7 grand kids. Good men. They spank too. Not a lot but . .
Again, my 10 cents worth.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Know When to Holler for Help
I told this story about myself on an episode of Divorce Court. So if you watch (and if you don't why aren't you? - just kidding!!) you should recognize it. It is completely true.
I was flying a lot, as it appears will be the norm, and my ears were hurting. My doctor had just retired so I went to my husband's. She didn't know me. The docotor asked me "How are you doing?"
Five minutes later when I got through telling her how I was, she looked at me really funny and said:
"Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?"
Apparently, I was 'traveling'. I have this ''on" button that gets pushed on occasion and I can't turn it off. I am talkative and exhausting when I am 'traveling' I drop from one thought to another with lightening speed. It's interesting to see. And it is the precursor to some of my best creative moments. But if you don't know me it can be alarming.
I answered. "Sure. Do you think I need to see one now?"
"Yep. I have a psychiatrist friend I would like you to talk to."
I went. We talked. She decided that I was fine but that I am an intense, driven quizzical kind of person who can appear to the untrained eye to be a little off the beam. Which is not to say that I haven't been off the beam in the past because I have. It just so happens I wasn't off the beam that day.
The moral of this story: Never be afraid to check your program. There is nothing wrong with needing a little psychological help every once in a while. I took my doctors inquiry as an attempt to assist. I take visits to mental health professionals as information gathering opportunities.
Having said that I will say this, don't just swallow what they say whole sale. I know a couple of psychologists who are just unwound, undone and unreliable. Worse yet they don't know it and are handing out advice based on their own deficiencies. You can't just hand youself over to people.
Moreover, I do have this anti-syndrome bias. These days we appear to label all personality quirks as some kind of deviant mental state. we put an 'osis' or an 'aholic' on the end of every adjective that describes a pesonality and then say that's what we have as if it explains everything and absolves us from all responisbility to do better. That's just silly. People can have extreme personalities without needing to be medicated. (Which isn't to say that some of us don't need to be medicated. Ain't no shame in that. I've been there too.)
I know my opinion sounds contradictory but it truly isn't. I want everyone to take whatever is happening in their head, examine it and make sure you are living the best life you can. I advocate an acknowledgement of any weaknesses and a dedication to actively address them.
I work my emotions like a job. We all should. When things go wrong it usually has very little to do with what people do or do not know. It's usually how people feel that jacks up everything.
With much love. Judge Lynn
I was flying a lot, as it appears will be the norm, and my ears were hurting. My doctor had just retired so I went to my husband's. She didn't know me. The docotor asked me "How are you doing?"
Five minutes later when I got through telling her how I was, she looked at me really funny and said:
"Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?"
Apparently, I was 'traveling'. I have this ''on" button that gets pushed on occasion and I can't turn it off. I am talkative and exhausting when I am 'traveling' I drop from one thought to another with lightening speed. It's interesting to see. And it is the precursor to some of my best creative moments. But if you don't know me it can be alarming.
I answered. "Sure. Do you think I need to see one now?"
"Yep. I have a psychiatrist friend I would like you to talk to."
I went. We talked. She decided that I was fine but that I am an intense, driven quizzical kind of person who can appear to the untrained eye to be a little off the beam. Which is not to say that I haven't been off the beam in the past because I have. It just so happens I wasn't off the beam that day.
The moral of this story: Never be afraid to check your program. There is nothing wrong with needing a little psychological help every once in a while. I took my doctors inquiry as an attempt to assist. I take visits to mental health professionals as information gathering opportunities.
Having said that I will say this, don't just swallow what they say whole sale. I know a couple of psychologists who are just unwound, undone and unreliable. Worse yet they don't know it and are handing out advice based on their own deficiencies. You can't just hand youself over to people.
Moreover, I do have this anti-syndrome bias. These days we appear to label all personality quirks as some kind of deviant mental state. we put an 'osis' or an 'aholic' on the end of every adjective that describes a pesonality and then say that's what we have as if it explains everything and absolves us from all responisbility to do better. That's just silly. People can have extreme personalities without needing to be medicated. (Which isn't to say that some of us don't need to be medicated. Ain't no shame in that. I've been there too.)
I know my opinion sounds contradictory but it truly isn't. I want everyone to take whatever is happening in their head, examine it and make sure you are living the best life you can. I advocate an acknowledgement of any weaknesses and a dedication to actively address them.
I work my emotions like a job. We all should. When things go wrong it usually has very little to do with what people do or do not know. It's usually how people feel that jacks up everything.
With much love. Judge Lynn
Sunday, January 25, 2009
All the Things I Cannot Do
Anyone dealing with a domestic abuse situation (whether it be your own or someone else's) must seek help from a local organization designed to deal with that sort of thing. Your local municipal or county court can probably get you started. County organizations and private ones exist as well.. This can be a very difficult and often a dangerous situation. No words of wisdom will ever suffice.
PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS.
I like blogging because it gives me an opportunity to speak my mind and see what's on yours. Sometimes people raise issues I think are of general importance and I like to blog about them but I can't do that across the board.
I love giving a personal touch to my blog. I love reading about what's going on with you and blog about things I hear that might be of general interest. But remember I am a public figure and I am only one person. I get dozens of requests each month to go places, lend support to things, give money - you name it. Just can't.
Please enjoy this for what it is.
P.S. Some of the stuff you ask for you can get from www.divorcecourt.com. I don't book shows or stuff like that.
I wish all of you peace and the best of everything!
PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS.
I like blogging because it gives me an opportunity to speak my mind and see what's on yours. Sometimes people raise issues I think are of general importance and I like to blog about them but I can't do that across the board.
I love giving a personal touch to my blog. I love reading about what's going on with you and blog about things I hear that might be of general interest. But remember I am a public figure and I am only one person. I get dozens of requests each month to go places, lend support to things, give money - you name it. Just can't.
Please enjoy this for what it is.
P.S. Some of the stuff you ask for you can get from www.divorcecourt.com. I don't book shows or stuff like that.
I wish all of you peace and the best of everything!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
A Thoughtful Response
This is a response to a young lady who took issue with my blog in which I said I felt our system of justice, though flawed, is a good one.
First, never worry about about having a difference of opinion with me. I love honest debate.
Second, I appreciate the fact that someone as young as 17 is so aware of what's going on.
Third, I agree with you that the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity inordinately effects blacks and that the juvenile system can use and overhaul.. It once worked. But society has changed and the system has yet to catch up.
That being said I stand by my position that out system is good. It is good because all of those things can (and I believe will) change exactly because the system allows for that.
Niether judges not the judicial system writes the laws they are sworn to follow. The crack thing happened the way it did because of an emotional LEGISLATIVE response to the inordinate violence associated with the first wave of the crack epidemic. Legistaltures pass laws. All the judiciary can do is to apply them as fairly as it can. But when legislators put mandatory minimums on stuff (In part to silence vocal fear demanding that 'something be done") There is nothing a judge can do but follow the law.
Same thing with the juvenille system. When there is a public hue and cry for harsher sentencing because of the level of a new wave of violence and extreme behavior of young people the legislature respondes quickly to to the easiest thing to assure the public that they are doing their best to keep them safe: The easiest option? Change the laws that allow younger and younger chidlren to be tried as an adult.
I don't think there should be an either/or with the juevnille system. I think juvenile court shoudl be changed to allow it to hold loger and do more things so that there would not be a rush toward sending them to adult facilities.
The thing is you have to understand that the system responds to a vocal and knowledgable public. The crack/cocaine disparity is being dealt with as a result of such public outcry. Voices are beginning to coalese with respect to the juvenile issue. No system willl ever be perfect but how wonderful is it that the opinion of society can move legislators (Who must answer to us at the polls) to change the laws we find repugnant?
The problem has been in the past that those most effected by imbalanced and improper laws are the least likely to vote. I think the excitment over Obama has changed much of that and I hope the Obama effect continues. But it willl not if we are not educated as to the sourse of our problems and diligent about our efforts to repond to them.
I did a piece on NPR re: the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity. Go on my site www.judgelynn.conm and click on NPR to find it.
Know what's going on. Understanding the unique and real opportunity we as people have to direct this country including the laws the judiciary must follow will reveal the beauty of the system (flawed though it may be as it is the creation of man - and we are flawed)
Having said that I think it is even more clear that my advice holds true:
Stake out your corner!!!!!
First, never worry about about having a difference of opinion with me. I love honest debate.
Second, I appreciate the fact that someone as young as 17 is so aware of what's going on.
Third, I agree with you that the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity inordinately effects blacks and that the juvenile system can use and overhaul.. It once worked. But society has changed and the system has yet to catch up.
That being said I stand by my position that out system is good. It is good because all of those things can (and I believe will) change exactly because the system allows for that.
Niether judges not the judicial system writes the laws they are sworn to follow. The crack thing happened the way it did because of an emotional LEGISLATIVE response to the inordinate violence associated with the first wave of the crack epidemic. Legistaltures pass laws. All the judiciary can do is to apply them as fairly as it can. But when legislators put mandatory minimums on stuff (In part to silence vocal fear demanding that 'something be done") There is nothing a judge can do but follow the law.
Same thing with the juvenille system. When there is a public hue and cry for harsher sentencing because of the level of a new wave of violence and extreme behavior of young people the legislature respondes quickly to to the easiest thing to assure the public that they are doing their best to keep them safe: The easiest option? Change the laws that allow younger and younger chidlren to be tried as an adult.
I don't think there should be an either/or with the juevnille system. I think juvenile court shoudl be changed to allow it to hold loger and do more things so that there would not be a rush toward sending them to adult facilities.
The thing is you have to understand that the system responds to a vocal and knowledgable public. The crack/cocaine disparity is being dealt with as a result of such public outcry. Voices are beginning to coalese with respect to the juvenile issue. No system willl ever be perfect but how wonderful is it that the opinion of society can move legislators (Who must answer to us at the polls) to change the laws we find repugnant?
The problem has been in the past that those most effected by imbalanced and improper laws are the least likely to vote. I think the excitment over Obama has changed much of that and I hope the Obama effect continues. But it willl not if we are not educated as to the sourse of our problems and diligent about our efforts to repond to them.
I did a piece on NPR re: the crack/cocaine sentencing disparity. Go on my site www.judgelynn.conm and click on NPR to find it.
Know what's going on. Understanding the unique and real opportunity we as people have to direct this country including the laws the judiciary must follow will reveal the beauty of the system (flawed though it may be as it is the creation of man - and we are flawed)
Having said that I think it is even more clear that my advice holds true:
Stake out your corner!!!!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Stake Out Your Corner
Hi Everyone,
I have gotten a couple of requests lately where people are telling me their professional plans or making a decision to alter course in some manner. They want my opinion on what to do.
Like I always say I can't give any individual advice on what to do. But what I can do is share with you the considerations I use when making a decision like that:
1. I remind myself that change (in and of itself ) is a scary thing and I try to keep the "Change fear" separate from the the real concerns that must be taken into consideration when embarking on a new course of action.
2. I ask people who know me - my personality and emotions - about how they think I will like the thing I am about to do; how I will tolerate the risks inherent in it and whether or not they think I will get bored because those are MY big issues. You have to figure out yours. NOTE HOWEVER: I am very careful who I ask. People often give advice based on their own needs, perspectives and jealousies. I keep that in my while digesting their advice.
That, by the way, is why I can't give anyone career or path altering advice here. I don't know who you are, what you need, your capabilites and quirks.
3. This one I have only learned to deal with well recently. mom had been telling me about it for years but I am just now able to implement the mindset: Rarely in life are things black and white. Some are: Should I start smoking crack or no. There is nothing to consider there. But whether I should be a lawyer or a teacher, doctor or a businessman, a desk clerk or a construction worker. Those are gray. This is mom's take on that kind of thing. "most of the time there is not RIGHT CHOICE. What you are in fact doing is picking a. the satisfactions you want to have and b. the set of problems you want to solve. You can work just about anything.
4. Of course doing the former requires you to have all of the information about what you are trying to do. Don't just ask people who think they know. Ask people in it. Read. Read. Then read some more. You wouldn't believe what they put in books!!
5. Last but by no means least Stake Out Your Corner. Once ou make your move don't pussy foot around. If you are going to roll. . . roll. (woulda shoulda coulda is a waste of emotional capital)
6. Don't get metaphysical in an attempt to ease your own conciense and not try hard (I know I spelled that wrong-too lazy to get the dictionary and I embrace my inability to spell). One guy asked me once, that considering how corrupt the system is, should he go into the law and become part of a corrupt system.
My answer; "Shall we all take a vacation. Sit back and watch the world go to hell in a hand bascket? Or should good people get in the fight and try to improve things?" In other words are you going to sit around sounding superior and be lazy or are you going to be a man? (I didn't say this last part because there is no need to insult people but that was exactly what I was thinking.)
-Having said that I would like to say this, I disagree with his assessment of the nature our legal system - it is flawed , no doubt, but it has, within it, the capacity to improve because of the checks and balances built into it as well as it's public nature. Injustice thrives in the dark but struggles to grow in the light of day. And it's not so much the system that is wrong but the people who do wrong things in it - I know its not perfect - nothing created by man is but you should see what goes on in pother countries - "so here's the thing," I told that young man, "you can be part of the improvement process or you can sit back and do nothing."
I couldn't change the sytem while I was in it but I staked out my corner. I did the best I could by everybody I saw. I created programs to adress the underlying problems I saw that kept people coming back. My successes were few, but I had SOME. The whole point is that no matter what you choose to do you should leave it better than you found it.
And there you have. Usually I only share a 10 cent opinion. This one, however, I think is worth a buck twenty-five.
Peace
I have gotten a couple of requests lately where people are telling me their professional plans or making a decision to alter course in some manner. They want my opinion on what to do.
Like I always say I can't give any individual advice on what to do. But what I can do is share with you the considerations I use when making a decision like that:
1. I remind myself that change (in and of itself ) is a scary thing and I try to keep the "Change fear" separate from the the real concerns that must be taken into consideration when embarking on a new course of action.
2. I ask people who know me - my personality and emotions - about how they think I will like the thing I am about to do; how I will tolerate the risks inherent in it and whether or not they think I will get bored because those are MY big issues. You have to figure out yours. NOTE HOWEVER: I am very careful who I ask. People often give advice based on their own needs, perspectives and jealousies. I keep that in my while digesting their advice.
That, by the way, is why I can't give anyone career or path altering advice here. I don't know who you are, what you need, your capabilites and quirks.
3. This one I have only learned to deal with well recently. mom had been telling me about it for years but I am just now able to implement the mindset: Rarely in life are things black and white. Some are: Should I start smoking crack or no. There is nothing to consider there. But whether I should be a lawyer or a teacher, doctor or a businessman, a desk clerk or a construction worker. Those are gray. This is mom's take on that kind of thing. "most of the time there is not RIGHT CHOICE. What you are in fact doing is picking a. the satisfactions you want to have and b. the set of problems you want to solve. You can work just about anything.
4. Of course doing the former requires you to have all of the information about what you are trying to do. Don't just ask people who think they know. Ask people in it. Read. Read. Then read some more. You wouldn't believe what they put in books!!
5. Last but by no means least Stake Out Your Corner. Once ou make your move don't pussy foot around. If you are going to roll. . . roll. (woulda shoulda coulda is a waste of emotional capital)
6. Don't get metaphysical in an attempt to ease your own conciense and not try hard (I know I spelled that wrong-too lazy to get the dictionary and I embrace my inability to spell). One guy asked me once, that considering how corrupt the system is, should he go into the law and become part of a corrupt system.
My answer; "Shall we all take a vacation. Sit back and watch the world go to hell in a hand bascket? Or should good people get in the fight and try to improve things?" In other words are you going to sit around sounding superior and be lazy or are you going to be a man? (I didn't say this last part because there is no need to insult people but that was exactly what I was thinking.)
-Having said that I would like to say this, I disagree with his assessment of the nature our legal system - it is flawed , no doubt, but it has, within it, the capacity to improve because of the checks and balances built into it as well as it's public nature. Injustice thrives in the dark but struggles to grow in the light of day. And it's not so much the system that is wrong but the people who do wrong things in it - I know its not perfect - nothing created by man is but you should see what goes on in pother countries - "so here's the thing," I told that young man, "you can be part of the improvement process or you can sit back and do nothing."
I couldn't change the sytem while I was in it but I staked out my corner. I did the best I could by everybody I saw. I created programs to adress the underlying problems I saw that kept people coming back. My successes were few, but I had SOME. The whole point is that no matter what you choose to do you should leave it better than you found it.
And there you have. Usually I only share a 10 cent opinion. This one, however, I think is worth a buck twenty-five.
Peace
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